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I am sitting in the backseat of my mom's rented car. In the driver’s
seat is my brother Jason. In the front passenger seat is my boyfriend
Conor. We are drinking Coors Light. Jason is drunk. We are talking
about drugs. Jason says “You don't know me, I'm a mother fucking
badass.” Jason has never been arrested before. He knows every police
officer in town. All the cops “love him.” Jason says he robbed a bar
when he was 14 with his friend Tod. Jason broke the bar’s vending
machine. Jason and Tod ate all the snacks. The robbery was in the
local newspaper’s police report. The report read “they sure liked
their peanuts.” I ask Jason if he kept the police report. Jason says
“Fuck no, are you kidding me? Cops will find that shit.”
Conor talks about meth addicts in Missouri. We talk about our parents.
Jason says when I was born he ran down the street with me in his socks
while our parents were fighting. He says I am his “baby girl.” Jason
says if my mom dies he is going to kill himself. Jason is 29. Jason
lives in my parent’s garage. Jason has 2 cats. Jason has brain damage.
Jason is retarded. Jason is my half brother. Jason's dad died when he
was 6. Jason says he is going to kill my dad. Jason is 9 years older
than I am. Jason says “Let’s get the fuck out of here.” Jason peels out
of our driveway.
We are going to McDonald’s. McDonald’s is an hour away. It is 1:00
a.m. I plug in my ITRIP. I play music I think Jason will like. Jason is
driving fast. I play “The Roof is on Fire” by Bloodhound Gang. Jason
sings along. Jason says “Solders kill fucking towel heads to this.” I
open another beer. We drive past a house. There is a lawn mower in
front. Jason says “Lets fucking steal that shit.” I say “No, there
isn't enough room.” We keep driving. I play “Lump”
by Presidents of the United States of America. The windows are down.
Jason turns up the volume. I am sort of afraid but I feel happy. I
hand Jason another beer.
We pull in to a gas station. I walk in to the convenience store alone. I
am not wearing shoes. I use the bathroom. I buy cigarettes. I stare at
a “Talladega Nights” DVD behind the counter. I get back in the car.
Jason drives away. I play some Nirvana song. Jason says he has to
“piss.” We pull over by a dumpster and a donation box. Jason and Conor
get out. I am smoking a cigarette. Conor gets back in the car. Jason
runs out from behind the donation box laughing. Jason jumps in the car
and pulls away. Jason says “I just took a shit and wiped my ass with a
Spiderman t-shirt.” I wonder if the t-shirt would fit me.
We pull in to McDonald's drive thru. The drive thru window is still
open. The inside is closed. I think this is strange. We are behind a
blue pick up truck. Conor is excited about the McTastey. The McTastey
is the only McDonald’s burger with tomato. Jason calls it a “McNasty.”
Jason says “It gives you the shits.” I order a Double Filet-o-Fish.
Jason says something about pussy. Jason is nice to the fat boy in the
window. Jason says “People like me.” I am eating my Filet-o-Fish. I
peel off each layer of the sandwich. I eat the fish and bread
separately. I eat leftover cheese off the wrapper. We leave
McDonald’s parking lot. Jason is driving fast. We go off the road for
a moment in to some gravel. Jason says “Fuck this car.” I play “Jane
Says” by Jane’s Addiction. Jason sings along. I am surprised Jason
likes it. I wonder if he thinks about the lyrics. I think about Jason
when he had long hair.
We pull in to the driveway. My mom keeps an iron goat on the porch. I
am staring at the goat. We get out of the car. We smoke cigarettes.
Jason asks us if we want to watch a movie. I say “I guess so.”
We go inside. We walk upstairs. The stairs are carpeted. The ceilings
upstairs are slanted. The ceilings upstairs are very low. At the
bottom of the stairs is a door. Jason says “The house is haunted.”
Jason says “I can hear someone jiggling that door knob at night.”
We are in Jason's room. I am sitting on Jason's bed. I am playing with
an American Idol toy from McDonalds. Conor is sitting in Jason's Lazy
Boy. Conor is looking at a Martin Lawrence DVD. Jason pulls out new
DVDs. Jason says we can watch “White Noise” or “Stranger than
Fiction.” Jason says “‘Stranger than Fiction’ is a smart movie. It
makes me cry.” Jason says “I can relate to these movies.” Jason says
“I am going to die young like my dad.” We start to watch “Stranger
than Fiction.” I fall asleep.
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