His first words were "Photoshop is for dreamers, unlike InDesign"

Compared students discovering Photoshop to Marco Polo discovering Asia

Someone gasped when he increased the contrast

I feel like everyone here is named is Taylor

Implied that Marco Polo was a dumbass because he didn't use adjustment presets

Pronounced Conde Nast as Condom Nast

Inadvertently made an Andre Breton reference

Great anecdote about getting fired from NFL creative services for drinking wine on the job

Says he used to hate football, but now he likes it

Insists on cashing his clients' checks immediately

Said "when in doubt, invert the colors"

Called something that wasn't an Amber Alert an Amber Alert

I feel like he's sabotaging the projector so he can hit on one of the Taylors

Another great anecdote about his pet adoption application being rejected because he was drunk

Keeps referring to Starbucks like it's a symbol of extreme wealth and leisure

Said "BOOM" after googling "best free photoshop brushes"

Twisted his ankle on the SVGA plug he spurned earlier

All he has to do is say "Taylor" and everyone pays attention

He's literally screaming about triangles

Said "you should never be crawling into a wine bar, you should always be crawling out of a wine bar"

He's devoting a significant amount of class time on how to over-bill clients

Claims intimate knowledge of the TGIFridays in Penn Station

Showed us a shortcut and said with the time it would save us on our hypothetical project we would be able to be on our 10th margarita by now

Said "French Riviera, I mean Mexican Riviera. I don't know..."

Insists on playing soft jazz and whispering "you're at the Marriott, it's very late..." while we work

Said "is the shadow part of the cow? yes it is"

Blames Photoshop for UFOs but still thinks they're real

His parting wisdom was "never do anything for free" and everyone clapped