Feb 16
Just realized my Gmail message has been "Playing a text-based adventure game, don't bother me" for like three and a half weeks. #LOL

Mar 15
I've had a lifelong fear of getting distracted and accidentally swallowing the mouthwash

Apr 4
My best friend in high school thought the word "ludicrous" was "ridiculous" spelled backwards for several years.

May 10
Which is a better slogan for my Tex-Mex restaurant: "Be the chimichanga you want to see in the world" or "You must chimichanga your life"?

May 17
"Good TED talk, son"

Aug 6
New sport idea: synchronized football. Two identical games happening simultaneously....

Sep 7
This guy's bio says he has published "over 400 books and chapbooks of poetry"

Sep 28
Just colored for half an hour. Relaxed and embarrassed.

Oct 3
My dad used to wake me up for school and every morning he'd say "It's another marvelous opportunity for achievement!"

Oct 5
Just got a comment from someone named Rich White.

Oct 5
Netflix has a category called "Sentimental Documentaries"

Oct 27
Line in a student paper: "My viewpoint is similar to Europe."

Nov 16
Clarice Lispector was a character in Silence of the Lambs, right?

Nov 29
Has anybody made a "Where should I submit my poems" flowchart or whut

Nov 30
Spellcheck suggestion for "fucknig" = "McKnight" ??

Nov 30
What do you mean you "couldn't find a place" for my poems? Couldn't you just add more pages?

Dec 14
Lish's recommended title for "A Small, Good Thing": "A Thing"

Dec 14
Man, what is up with the "mass murderers will find a way" argument. Go ahead and let them try to kill 30 people at once with frying pans.

Dec 17
Legit protip for interviews: If you don't understand the question, don't ask for clarification. Just say something sort of related.

Dec 31
Dear nonprofits, It would have been funnier if you sent your "last day to donate" emails on the eve of the apocalypse.

Jan 3
Just realized Woody Allen and Woody Harrelson have the same first name.

Jan 3
This sentence confused me: "Her parents, in a state of panic, brought her to the emergency room in Atlanta, where they lived."

Jan 3
Of course they would not bring her to the ER in a city where they did not live. Do they live in the hospital?

Jan 3
Later in the same article: "Yet we are in the dark ages when it comes to determining whether the brain is conscious or not?"

Jan 3
"We can't figure out whether patients are awake, or what being awake even means?" These are questions?

Jan 5
"Christ, what an asshole" - Universal New Yorker cartoon caption, or universal poetry blurb?

Jan 7
Second result for "Sorry, but" is "SORRY, BUT I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THIS SUN CHIPS BAG"

Jan 11
"If I've ruined just one person's day, I've made a difference!" - Blog commenters

Jan 11
I read lit mags for the bios.

Jan 21
First 5 animals I can think of that start with P are birds.