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PROBABLY GOING TO DIE ALONE
ELLEN KENNEDY


Judy is visiting the town where she grew up. She visits her parents. She visits her friends from high school. She's unsure if she likes them sometimes. Judy's friend that she has known the longest has just broken up with her boyfriend and is depressed. Judy likes her more now that she is depressed and feels unmotivated in life. Judy feels unmotivated in life. On the first day Judy is home, her friend picks her up and takes her to her apartment. They lie on her friend's twin-sized bed. Judy's friend says, "I like my room I think. I sit in it and stare at it." Judy says, "It's a nice room." Judy says, "I want to move, I hate college." Her friend says, "I want to move too." Judy says, "I don't know where to move, everywhere is shitty." Her friend says, "Me either." Judy says, "Moving will probably not make me feel any better anyway, I'll just sit in my room alone and reload my empty Gmail inbox and feel bored." They watch MTV True Life: I'm on Steroids. A man says he does steroids to win a strip contest at a dance club and that one day he hit "rock bottom" and decided to kill himself. The man says, "I just woke up one day and decided to end it so I took Tylenol and woke up in a hospital." He wins the strip contest. After winning the strip contest he goes to pick up his car from the valet person but he lost his ticket and they wont give him his car. They show him screaming in a parking lot while smoking. He says, "I just want my fucking car. Give me my fucking car. I'm having a roid-rage on this shit." Judy feels depressed. Judy says, "I want to watch MTV True Life: I'm fucked." Her friend says, "I've hit 'rock bottom,'" and laughs. Judy says, "I've hit 'rock bottom.'" Her friend says, "I'm beneath rock bottom." Judy says, "I fell into the magma core." Judy says, "I feel stupid." Her friend says, "Take some Tylenol." Judy says, "Okay" and laughs. Her friend takes out a bottle of Vicodin and they each take one. Judy doesn't feel tired. Her friend looks tired. Judy plays a CD and wants to concentrate on the music. Her friend takes out a bag of mini brownies. She eats one and looks in the bag and says, "What the fuck, only three brownies, what is this bullshit." Judy stares at the ceiling with a neutral expression. Judy wishes her friend would stop talking so she can concentrate on the music. Judy spends the night. They sleep together on the twin-sized bed. Her friend is fatter than she is and takes up most of the blankets. Judy feels cold and bored. "I wish I had another Vicodin," Judy thinks. Judy wakes up in the morning after sleeping for six hours and her parents call her and say they are picking her up. They tell Judy they are going to Walmart. Judy's dad is driving. When they get into the parking lot of Walmart, Judy's parents fight about where to park. Judy's dad parks far from the entrance to avoid carts and other cars. Judy's mom says, "Do you have to park so far away?" Judy's dad moves the car closer and parks next to a cart. Judy's mom says, "There's a cart here." Judy's dad says, "Well you were the one who didn't want the other spot, heaven forbid you get some exercise and walk a little further for once." Judy's mom says, "Shut up." In Walmart, Judy and her dad walk separately from Judy's mom. An employee gives Judy's mom a bag of free promotions. Judy and her dad say they don't want them and keep walking. Her dad looks at his cellphone and wonders why it is saying he has an appointment this month. Judy looks at it. Judy's dad doesn't know how to check what appointment it is. Judy's mom hears them talking and says, "Don't worry about it." Judy says, "I know how" and takes the cellphone. Judy's mom says, "I said don't worry about it." Judy opens the calendar and sees that it is a note to remember Valentine's Day. Judy's dad laughs. Judy laughs. Judy's mom says, "Shut up" to Judy and says, "I wouldn't have done that if you made me feel confident that you weren't going to forget" to Judy's dad. Judy says, "Everyday is Valentine's day if you're in a relationship" and to her dad, "Yeah, right?" while laughing. Judy's mom walks away. Judy's dad picks out a jar of olives. Judy sees a giant chocolate covered apple. She points at it. Judy's dad laughs and says, "I want that." Judy laughs. Judy's mom is walking towards them. Judy picks up the apple and looks at the calories. When they are walking to the checkout Judy says to her dad, "Guess how many calories are in that?" Judy's dad says, "Probably like 800." Judy says, "1860" and laughs. Outside of Walmart Judy and her dad separate from Judy's mom again. They are walking faster. In the car Judy's mom opens her free promotion bag and finds a chocolate covered pretzel bar. It says "100 calorie snack" on it. She says, "100 calories." Judy's mom opens it and starts eating it. Judy's dad says, "Where's my 50 calories?" Judy's mom says, "You didn't want to get the bag" and eats the other half.

Judy's parents have a new dog. When they get home the dog barks very loudly at Judy. Judy walks upstairs and takes a shower. Afterwards, Judy's dad says, "I want to show you my earthworms." Judy says, "Okay." They walk to the basement and he says, "They came in a giant ball in the mail." Judy says, "This is good." Judy's dad looks proud. Judy goes back upstairs and then drives her mom's car to pick up her friend. They drive to another friend they know from high school's apartment. Her name is Cory and she lives with her boyfriend Scott. Judy has never been to their apartment. Judy's friend says, "They fight all the time, it's horrible." Before going inside, Judy and her friend smoke cigarettes. Cory comes out and says, "It's cold, I was asleep, Scott is still asleep." Cory says, "I'm going to go inside, just come up when you're done." Judy and her friend throw their cigarette butts in the next-door neighbor's yard and go upstairs. The apartment is messy. They sit at the table. The door to their bedroom is open and Judy sees the outline of Scott's body in the blankets. Cory makes coffee and asks if anyone wants some. Judy says, "Okay." Her friend drinks wine. Judy says, "I don't want to drink because I am driving home." Judy's friend says, "I'm hungry do you have any food." Cory gets her some cheese and crackers. Judy's friend takes it and slices the cheese and eats it. Cory says, "You're cutting it so big." Judy is staring at things. Judy feels bored. She picks up a saltshaker, looks at it, and puts it back down. Judy eats a cracker. Scott wakes up and walks into the kitchen. Cory says, "Your hair looks stupid." Judy's friend laughs at him. Scott just stands there. Judy says, "It looks okay to me." Cory says, "Put your hair back or something." Scott stares at her and says, "What? I live here" and goes outside on the porch to smoke a cigarette. Judy feels uncomfortable. They talk about Dungeons and Dragons. Judy says, "I want to learn how to play Dungeons and Dragons." Judy thinks it would make her feel less bored. Cory says, "Scott can recite every line from every star wars movie from memory." Cory yells at Scott to come in. "Start saying The Empire Strikes Back." Judy's friend laughs and says, "I want to hear this." Scott does it. He looks depressed. He speaks in a monotone. Cory and Judy's friend laugh. Judy stares at him. Scott stops talking. Cory says, "Come on keep going." Scott looks depressed. Judy feels uncomfortable. Cory asks Scott if he has any pot and Scott says, "No." They go in the other room to watch TV. Scott sits next to Judy. They watch the news. It talks about the primaries. Scott says something about how he likes Obama. Judy's friend says, "I'm drunk." Judy's friend keeps asking her for cigarettes and Judy gives them to her. Scott says something about global warming and Al Gore. Judy says, "I saw An Inconvenient Truth and it was a movie about Al Gore." Scott says, "That's not true at all, it was mostly about global warming." Judy says, "I don't think I could trust Al Gore." Scott goes to the computer and loads a chart that says something about global warming. Scott says, "See?" Judy says, "I don't think global warming is important, people shouldn't need to use global warming as an excuse to stop being wasteful." Scott says, "How can you not believe this?" Judy says, "There has been golf ball-sized hail storms and hurricanes for a long time, it didn't just start all of the sudden. In the movie Al Gore drives in an SUV." Scott leaves to have a cigarette. Cory says, "Al Gore owns his own farm." Judy stares at the TV. Judy thinks, "No one in this room cares about global warming, this is ridiculous, we are all smoking cigarettes and eating cheese, how can any one of us care about voting? No one in this room cares about anything." Cory says, "Scott and I just watched Elizabeth and it was really good, do you want to watch that?" Judy's friend says, "Okay." Judy says, "Sure, I don't care." Cory plays the movie and makes popcorn with Judy's friend while Judy sits on the couch alone. Judy pets Cory's cat. It is obese. Judy thinks, "I'm sorry this is your life." The cat purrs. They come back with the popcorn and say, "We burnt it." They eat it anyway. They ask Judy if she wants some and she says, "No." Cory says, "Scott go buy beer and chips or something." Scott doesn't reply. Scott puts on his jacket and gets his keys. Cory says, "What are you doing." Scott says, "I'm going to get beer." Cory says, "Oh" and Scott leaves. Cory says, "This movie is so good." Judy says, "I thought Queen Elizabeth killed a lot of people. I don't remember who." Cory says, "No she was awesome, she wanted religious tolerance and like blessed babies and shit." Judy says, "I'm pretty sure she killed a lot of people for some stupid reason." Judy's friend says, "I'm drunk" again and eats popcorn. Scott comes back and says everything was closed. Cory says, "Fuck, that's bullshit." Cory says, "Scott did Elizabeth kill people?' Scott says, "Yeah I think so, she killed Catholics or something but I'm not sure." Cory says, "What? She was good." Judy stares at the TV. Scott goes to his room and plays guitar alone. Judy thinks about Scott. Judy feels depressed. Judy thinks, "I like Scott." The TV shows a peasant woman asking Queen Elizabeth to bless her baby and Queen Elizabeth does it. Cory says, "See she blessed babies." Judy says, "This is a movie." Judy goes to the bathroom. She thinks about Al Gore taking a shit. She thinks about Al Gore wiping his asshole. She feels depressed. She thinks about people who can whistle with their hands and she tries it. She does it and feels proud. Judy scratches her crotch and it bleeds a little. Judy thinks, "I should shave my pubic hair soon." Judy thinks about Cory and Scott. Judy thinks, "They are so fucked, I am fucked, we are all fucked." Judy flushes the toilet. Judy goes back into the living room and says, "I think we should leave, it's getting icy outside." Cory says, "Okay" and Judy and her friend put on their coats. Judy looks at Scott when leaving. He is talking on his cell phone now. He stares at her. Judy says, "Bye" quietly and follows her friend outside. In the car Judy stares at the dashboard. Her friend says, "Are you going to go, I'm cold and tired." Judy says, "I'm letting the car warm up." Her friend says, "You don't need to do that shit let's go." Judy puts on music and turns the volume up high. When driving Judy stares straight ahead with a neutral expression. Her friend asks, "So are you just going to take me home?" Judy says, "Yes." Her friend asks, "Do I get to see your mom's new dog?" Judy says, "No." Her friend says, "Well okay" and doesn't talk for the rest of the drive. Judy thinks about her friend from college's brother. She told Judy that her brother was very angry all the time when they still lived with her parents. She said one time he got drunk and drove his car backwards really fast into a tree when leaving their driveway and then got out and yelled "fuck" and punched the hood of the car a lot. Judy thinks about driving her car into a tree. The singer on the radio says, "I live in a house made of aluminum siding and go to work in a fucking strip mall." Judy thinks about moving again and working as a manager for GameStop in a strip mall. Judy thinks, "I feel bad, I shouldn't have said anything about global warming." Judy pulls into the driveway of her friend's apartment building. Her friend says, "Do you want to have a cigarette with me before you leave?" Judy says, "No I want to pee, I want to go home." Her friend says, "Please you can pee inside first." Judy says, "Okay." They walk down the driveway. Judy's friend says, "Do you have a cigarette?" Judy takes the pack out of her pocket and sees that it is empty. "No you smoked them all," Judy says. Her friend says, "Oh fuck I'm sorry." Judy says, "I'm going home." Her friend says, "Uh okay, when are you coming back?" Judy says, "I don't know." Her friend says, "Okay, bye." Judy says, "Bye." Judy gets back in the car. She starts it and waits for the lights to come on the dashboard before driving. She thinks about global warming. She thinks about her mom's double chin. She thinks about her dad standing in the basement alone staring at his earthworms, smiling. She thinks about Scott. "I want to move, I hate college," Judy thinks. "Sleep, I want to go to sleep," and she drives home.