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12.29.09 GMAIL CHAT
TAO LIN & BRANDON SCOTT GORRELL


2:58 AM Brandon: did you meet the chick
3:00 AM me: she texted she would be 15 minutes late
  i texted i wasn't feeling social and was going to the library
  i ate 6 eggs ~20 minutes ago
 Brandon: 2x damn
3:01 AM i finished masturbating
 me: im reading raymond carver bio
  seems funny
 Brandon: was he depressed/alcoholic
 me: 'ray confided to carlile that he wasn't working. the resulting lassitude in turn prompted him to think about traveling to exotic destrinations or buying new cars or houses'
  yes, both
 Brandon: damn, interesting
  gordon lish
3:02 AM the spectre of gordon lish
 me: damn
3:03 AM Brandon: am i still online
3:04 AM me: yes
 Brandon: sweet
3:06 AM me: 'back in the states, ray had to face clouds that had formed on his horizon'
 Brandon: laying on my side in bed watching southpark through ear buds
 me: 'lol'
 Brandon: weird
  seems like a 5th grader wrote that
3:07 AM me: ' "everybody wants some of my bacon, " ray groused to leonard michaels '
 Brandon: damn, lol
  he seems like a rapper
 me: seems im having a good time
  damn
3:09 AM 'in early march, ray read in the evening paper that he'd won a $2000 NEA grant'
  'carver considered using the last poem in the book, "drinking while driving," as its title piece'
3:10 AM Brandon: seems like he had a sweet life
3:11 AM me: someone wrote a satire or something
  calling his book that was called 'will you please be quiet, please' 'will you shut the fuck up?'
3:12 AM Brandon: when was this bio written
  wish i had more new emails
 me: it came out last month i think
 Brandon: damn
 me: he first published a story in esquire when he was 32
 Brandon: seems like what i remember of yates
3:13 AM me: imagine a bio where someone's first published story is at electric lit
  starting their career
 Brandon: bukowski was first published by some shitty weirdly named magazine
 me: just sneezed, snot shot out, onto headphones and a shirt
 Brandon: damn
3:14 AM are you at the library
 me: no, home
 Brandon: i keep 'sensing' electric lit is going to give me 1k
 me: extra sensory perception
 Brandon: i keep 'sensing' it
3:15 AM me: damn
  imagining a bio of you
  with that
  seems sweet
 Brandon: tonight seemed 'extra boring'
 me: 'brandon informed friends before his acceptance that he had "sensed" it"
 Brandon: damn
3:16 AM i thought of a bio of me
  seems entertaining
 me: seems sweet
 Brandon: i made up with gabby
 me: brandon spoke of a cross-eyed thai he had 'touched'
 Brandon: lol
3:17 AM me: damn, what's status now
 Brandon: damn, theyre making an avatar video game
  god damn itg
  damn
  i need a video game system
 me: damn
 Brandon: i dont know why i didnt ask for that for xmas
 me: damn
3:18 AM Brandon: gabby, i dont know
 me: he got 2 years probation for lying to get unemployment payments
 Brandon: damn
  jesus
  interesting
  is that raymond carver or your idea of my future bio
 me: carver bio
3:19 AM Brandon: raymond
  im running out of money
 me: part III is called 'success and discontent'
3:20 AM Brandon: god damn bitches
 me: it cost $38 w/ tax
  going to return after reading
 Brandon: have you read the herzog book
3:21 AM seems like it might be really abstract
 me: no
 Brandon: 'sensing ' it
 me: i opened it once, and saw a funny quotable sentence, in the style of one i've quoted to you tonight
  and shared it with sarah, in a moment
 Brandon: herzogo
3:22 AM me: damn
 Brandon: herzog titties
 me: 'the year 1969 seemed to be more than just the closing act of a decade'
3:23 AM Brandon: i feel unable to comprehend that
  a whole year as a closing act
  i guess that makes sense
 me: damn, feels like i'm 'done' with this bio
  just closed it
3:24 AM Brandon: damn
  do anything interesting today
  ?
 me: no
3:25 AM i said no
 Brandon: invis
  yes
  the southpark im watching has harrison ford getting ass raped by stephen speilberg and george lucas three times
3:26 AM me: thought 'nice'
 Brandon: seems like i want french fries really bad
3:27 AM me: jeffrey heart is coming to nyc ed
  ew
  wed
  gonna eat unhealthy foods with him
  i foresee
 Brandon: is he moving here
  there
 me: i dont think so
3:28 AM Brandon: hope black balloon publishes my novel so i have an excuse to go to NY
 me: that would be good
3:31 AM just emailed sarah
 Brandon: seems like i would have a really good, calm, comforting time playing avatal all night
  about what
  avatar
 me: just normally responding to emails
 Brandon: oh
3:32 AM me: hope i can place this short story i'm working on in a major magazine for 'megabucks'
 Brandon: have you considered playboy
  seems good re failing marriage theme
3:33 AM me: not realy, but ill send there, yeah
 Brandon: where will you send
3:34 AM me: yeah when i finish
3:35 AM Brandon: what are the places you will send
 me: new yorker, harper's
  hm
 Brandon: how much do those pay, do you know
 me: cant really think of places currently
  feel less than 1% chance of success
3:36 AM probably between $2-$4 a word
 Brandon: damn
  damn so like 12k?
  12 to 24k?
 me: yeah
3:37 AM Brandon: jesus christ
  i had no idea
 me: i might be wrong
  i'm 'sure' the new yorker is more than $2 a word
 Brandon: has lydia davis gotten in the new yorker
 me: if i make $20k ill pay for a nyc visit for you
  muumuu house funded
 Brandon: damn, good
 me: i think just a few times
  or like once orsomething
3:38 AM Brandon: frederick B
 me: i'm feeling 'chipper' for some reason
 Brandon: has he been in it, do you know
  chipper
 me: maybe cholesteral in eggs
 Brandon: i thought 'chipper as hell' in a gangster tone
3:39 AM i assume that friends call frederick barthelme 'fred'
  never had previously considered that
3:40 AM me: they call him 'rick'
  wait
  yeah, i'm pretty sure
  you were wrong
 Brandon: rick
  damn, surprising
  seems more logical to call him fred
3:41 AM me: it does
  fred e rick
  damn, only an 'e'
  separates it
 Brandon: lol
 me: bran-don
3:42 AM Brandon: tao
 me: gonna go look at electric lit's site
 Brandon: me too
3:43 AM those bitches 'better' accept my story
  5 stories an issue
  seems impossible to get accepted
3:44 AM me: they've spent $10k already paying writers
  seems unsustainable
3:45 AM seems you would have an advantage
 Brandon: hope i get paid
 me: being young
3:46 AM they want to 'make sure that the media gap is bridged in a way that preserves and honors literature'
  seems smart to publish a person with an internet presence
 Brandon: seems like i have a good chance, yes
  i guess
  read victoria trotts blog tongiht
3:47 AM saw her face for first time
 me: damn
 Brandon: didnt realize she had all those photos on her facebook
  wondered this whole time
 me: damn
 Brandon: like a year or something
 me: damn
  any thoughts
 Brandon: seems alright
  her breasts look good in the lydia davis photo
3:48 AM me: damn
 Brandon: other photos in facebook i was unattracted
  your thoughts
 me: i feel i have no notable or unexpected thoughts
 Brandon: interesting
 me: abut that
3:49 AM electric lit
 Brandon: what
  damn
  lit bitches
 me: damn, see you called lydia davis old
3:50 AM Brandon: yes, she looked old
  she seems old
 me: i saw a photo on an old edition of a book by her
  once
  she looked attractive
 Brandon: her level of success doesnt seem to match with her age
  seems she should be more famous by now
  do you think shes less famous than lorrie M'
  ?
3:51 AM 'the big LM'
 me: she's way less famous i think
 Brandon: i felt that too
 me: lorrie moore's new novel seems to be a big time seller
 Brandon: is it a bestseller do you know
 me: she didn't promote herself hard enough perhaps
3:52 AM im not certain, but i think so
 Brandon: what do you think about FB v LD in terms of fame
 me: damn
  maybe about even...unsure really
  overall, averaged over their careers, i would say FB
3:53 AM Brandon: i think FB is more famous, he seems more recognized re university things
 me: people our age seem to know the name 'lydia davis' more
 Brandon: lydia davis
 me: seems like a good name
 Brandon: lydia davis seems alienated from her peers
3:54 AM without knowing anything about her relationships
 me: damn, after reading that, seemed like a 'revelation'
  i view her differently
  now
  sort of
 Brandon: seems cool
3:55 AM i saw 'seems chill' in caps
 me: have you read 'the end of the story'
 Brandon: yes
  you sent it to me, bro
3:56 AM me: did you like it
 Brandon: yes
  there was one part i didnt like
  but i liked 90 percent
  95
 me: what part
  damn, megan boyle tweeted a funny tweet
3:57 AM Brandon: damn, i didnt get it,
  i dont remember defollowing her
3:58 AM me: meganboyle

during dinner i said, "there is a $20 beef fajis." meant to say, "there is a $20 fee to check bags."
 Brandon: the part where she goes on a walk, or something, and talks about the scenery of the road for what seems like a really long time
 me: damn
 Brandon: damn
 me: i didnt' like that part either
  i mean, it was just boring
 Brandon: yeah
  i felt like i wanted to stop reading the whole time
  during that
3:59 AM me: damn
4:00 AM Brandon: i think this person http://twitter.com/MissKimball is some kind of strange internet robot controlled by a man that uploads pictures of similar looking blond young girls and maintains her presence for hits, or something
  i stared at information about this person for what felt like a long time feeling very confused
 me: i have had strange thoughts about her
  i looked her up
  she seems to be some person
 Brandon: did you see youtube videos of her
  they dont make sense
 me: she seems real
4:01 AM Brandon: i feel suspicious
 me: yeah
  i dont know
  haven't considered your theory
  seems scary
 Brandon: yeah
  "@lydiadavis Sorry, bro. You don't want to be watching that anyway. It's just stupid guys talking shit the whole movie."
  seems masculine
 me: would someone do that though
  so many sweets
  tweets
4:02 AM Brandon: "@lydiadavis I loved your poem 'sometimes i go places'. Especially the line 'i will drive to the ocean'. So beautiful, pure and austere." seems like a highly sarcastic, bitter man pissed off about dealing with 'internet losers' all day would say that
 me: i just did somehing
  i accidentally tumbld a screen shot of justin's face, instead of something else
 Brandon: damn
  lol
 me: damn, seems funny
 Brandon: lol
4:03 AM seems random, like that would happen in another dimension
  if it hadnt had happened in this dimension
 me: memories of sending you screen shot of porn
  damn
4:04 AM Brandon: i thought of making porn with gabby today to make money
 me: sounds good
4:07 AM Brandon: my internet went out
  so tired of this internet
4:08 AM me: internet being unreliable piece of shit for me
4:09 AM Brandon: Tao: sounds good
Sent at 1:04 AM on Tuesday
me: my internet went out
so tired of this internet
Sent at 1:07 AM on Tuesday
Tao: internet being unreliable piece of shit for me
 me: that's all i said
4:10 AM Brandon: damn
4:11 AM me: damn
 Brandon: sup

32 minutes
4:43 AM me: good night

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4.19.09 GMAIL CHAT
TAO LIN & CARLES


4:22 PM me: bro
 CRLS: brooo
  whatsup
 me: chillin in the library
4:23 PM you, bro
 CRLS: damn
  'nmh'
 me: damn
  gotta work on my tumblr

27 minutes
4:51 PM CRLS: bro
  i'm back
  just had grilled chicken and shrimp
 me: bro
 CRLS: grilled vegetables
 me: damn
 CRLS: avocado
 me: had two eggs, cornbread, nachos, 1 pint blue moon, iced tea, and gaucomole this morning
4:52 PM CRLS: dammn

13 minutes
5:05 PM me: i just thought 'poopyschnickers'
5:06 PM going to poop now
5:08 PM CRLS: damn

7 minutes
5:15 PM me: did it

6 minutes
5:21 PM CRLS: tyte

15 minutes
 me: 'jesus'
5:37 PM CRLS: damn bro
 me: damn
 CRLS: The future of poetry?
5:38 PM me: damn
5:40 PM CRLS: will go to NYC in late summer/early fall
  so we can record our EP
 me: damn, sweet

7 minutes
5:47 PM CRLS: dammn
5:48 PM me: pretty 'fucked up'
  watching this video
 me: damn, watching
 CRLS: damn
5:50 PM think it is a 'big song' or something
 me: damn, wtf is this
  pass out at 3, wake up at 10
  wtf
  'are those numbers right'
5:51 PM why would he wake up at 10
  confused
5:52 PM just realized this song seems really long
 CRLS: seems 'really slow'
 me: 'there must be a breakdown' or something
  skipped to end
5:53 PM i'm listening to m.i.a. on youtube now
 CRLS: damn
 me: i feel lost
5:55 PM damn, m.i.a. is 33
  i feel relieved suddenly for some reason
 CRLS: feel like ur not successful 'until ur old' or something
 me: damn she's almost 40
  pretty much
  feel sad
5:56 PM CRLS: feel like we might be 'ahead of schedule'
  according to some artistic standards
5:57 PM me: damn, seems good
  keep thinking she's saying 'suck my dick' in this song
  or 'ill suck your dick' or something
5:58 PM just keep hearing that
  "Arulpragasam's first public exhibition of paintings in 2001 at the Euphoria Shop in Portobello, London, featured graffiti art and spray-paint canvasses mixing Tamil political street art with images of London life and consumerist culture.[18"
  damn
6:00 PM damn
  feeling so lost
6:03 PM is she saying 'nigger' in this song
  feel like i can't ehar anything
6:04 PM listening to a differtnt m.i.a. song, i feel like i'm eating mangos with a chimpanzee
  feels okay
6:06 PM wonder if it's ok to put m.i.ia. in ap oem
  will she be relevant in 10 years

 



<

1.13.09 GMAIL CHAT
VICTORIA TROTT & TAO LIN


1:04 AM me: tao lin, high blood alcohol content, possibility of obedience?
  i dunno
1:05 AM what should victoria trotdo. o may be inerupting. alcoholc
  its fu to rollin a chair withewheels'
  tao lin maybe busy
  ryan gosling brother
  drun,
  k
1:06 AM 205 am
  i mean105
  you may be interupting
  ellen kennedy
1:07 AM Tao: what's up bro
  you drunk bro?
 me: jamie german
  noooooooo vodka
  irish whiskey
 Tao: how much did you drink bro
1:08 AM me: too much the most
  thignsare confusing
 Tao: you should make some drunk comments on people's blogs, bro, that'd be cool bro
 me: rbooooobro
  whose blogs
  everyones
  question mark
 Tao: you can start with mine if you want
  a veyr long drunk comment
1:09 AM me: my head feels spinnninh
 Tao: where did you get drunk at
1:10 AM me: in my sisters house, yo
  her bizziasmenet.
  with so many different alchohols
 Tao: she cool with that bro?
 me: for sure no, brizzizzo
 Tao: or you do it secretly bro
 me: secrets are my frizzend
 Tao: what's the deal bro
  oh cool bro
 me: haha
 Tao: that's cool bro
 me: amused bro
  yes
  yes
  yes
  yes
  no in contro'
  not
  control
  bro
1:11 AM Tao: just keep chillin bro
 me: chinese
  CHINK
  hhahaha
  hehe
  hoho
  porn
  its hard
 Tao: yeh bro
  no bro
 me: hehe'
1:12 AM give me commands, please, bro
 Tao: comment sum blogs yo
 me: so drunk
 Tao: bro, you aint listenin me bro
 me: yes ytes i is
 Tao: comment sum fucken blogs bro
 me: listeni
  hehe
  tao says
  i hope i'm not interupgingsa.
  har
  dd
  kenbaumeanns?
  i circle my hadns tolseee
1:13 AM whose blog!1
  more durnk,now
  full blader
1:14 AM hehehahha
  ao is typing!
  social inhibitionsare gone from alcholho
 Tao: that's funny bro i just read yer comment bro
 me: haha, nice bro
  sweet
  hey tao, tell me what you thinkrbo
  no pants, bro
  like my dream
 Tao: yeah bro cool
1:15 AM hey bro
  what's p with yer brother bro
  is he in half nelson or what
 me: hehehe
 Tao: is he ryan gosling or what bro
 me: hahahaha
  i am laughing, hahahaha
  yean mantotally
  i agREEE bro
  bro is funnym it makes me haha
 Tao: what did you eat for dinner bro
 me: ummmmmm
  fajitas! bro
 Tao: shrimp fried rice again bro, you gotta lay off that shit bro
 me: yeah totally
  fucking dead shriping
  shripnp
1:16 AM boshruip
 Tao: lay off that fucken shit bro
 me: correct manipuklatiioinof a drunk barakc pbama, rbo
  manipu;lation
 Tao: dont eat anymore fucken shrimp fried rice bro
 me: why lay off it do you think
  hehe
  haha
 Tao: or i'm deleting yer shit off muumuu house
 me: oh oh
  nono
  career!!
 Tao: i'm goingt o buy kombucha, keep it real bro
 me: all day
  ffull bladder
  oh no
  toa is offline
  i dont know what ot do
  so drunk
  what hsoud
  i do
1:17 AM ohno
  nohno
  ocollapaes
  r7ah nna
  you said
  omment iw il dtty


5 minutes

1:22 AM Tao: im back bro
1:23 AM me: oh thank you
 Tao: you still drunk bro
 me: i was writina ameial
  about aloneness
 Tao: you alright bro
 me: i guess
  oonfused
 Tao: you seem less drunk bro
 me: you alright
  really? how
  better typing
 Tao: yo're not making typos bro
  i think you're not drunk bro
 me: shold i drink ore vodko.
  not drunk
  its still hard to type
  more vodka wuestion
  question
  amrk
  mark
1:24 AM Tao: i don't know bro, you got broccoli bro
 me: nah bro
  garpes
  grapes
  stay ere okay, i have to pee, okay, sta here
 Tao: don't eat grapes, you be mixin food groups if you do that bro
 me: heheheheehehe
 Tao: alright bro
 me: funny brp
  okay
  b e right barkc bro
  no toilet parper bro
1:25 AM !
  hahhh
  qhr HAOUS I shoudl i do
  throw pee paper towerls int he trash
  ?
  where did you go or for homuahcba
 Tao: paper towels flush bro
 me: shoud i drunk more vodka
  they do?
  o dithpgi ji thought they clog
 Tao: yeah bro
 me: okay
  beright back
  more voda?
  ka
 Tao: no bro, you gota rip it up irst
 me: ohoh
  oh oh
1:26 AM vodka
  ?
  bro
 Tao: use yer brain bro
  you gotta pour vodka on the paper towel first bro to loosen up them fibres bro
 me: i nat
  really!
oh
  ewally!
 Tao: that's the british spellin bro
 me: qht ia
  qha tia
  what is
 Tao: rub your ass with vodka i mean
  sorry bro
 me: hehee
  hahah
  hohoh
  huhuh
 Tao: rub your ass not pour it on the towel
 me: with vodka?
  what bro
1:27 AM confusing broi
  muuuuumuuuuuu
  hahahahaahaha bro
  flush paper towels rbo?
  are uyou sober frbo?
 Tao: aunt to my nephew, pour that shit on the paper towel bro
 me: hahaaha
  are you tao lin bro?
 Tao: i'm fucken sober bro
  i'm drinkin fucken kombucha
  i'm sober 'as fuck' bro
 me: you seem super bro ish
 Tao: no bro, what the fuck you talkin about bro
 me: farts smell like fucjk
  ing
  fcking
  bro
1:28 AM hahaa
  bro
  hehee
  pee
  wait i dont remember what to do
 Tao: i gotta go eat some brococli bro
 me: no toilet paper, wait
  what shoud ido
 Tao: have a good night bro, don't clog that shit,
 me: h no
  oh no
  too drunk'
  ohno
  broccoli bro
  oh no
  vodka/? sober bro
1:29 AM i found tissues
1:30 AM al better
 Tao: im back bro
 me: who are you even, who ven are you
  what
  you keep leaving
1:31 AM false hope
  for poor me
  less drunk , perchanve
 Tao: i'm ficlom tao lin bro
  joy williams bro
 me: FICLOM\
 Tao: lorrie moore ya'll
 me: joy wiliamsi sia bit of a bitch
  i read that shit
 Tao: so yer parents live in a mansion bro, what's up bro
 me: ahahahahhaah
  you cause laughter fucking bro
 Tao: you rockin that fucken blender bro
  i mean
 me: what
  who
  sober?
  you drunk>
  too?
 Tao: that shit bro
1:32 AM the q
  i do'nt kno w bro
  i'm fucken wasted on kombucha
 me: hard to concentrate
  hehe
  haha
  hoho
  say some stuff
 Tao: broccoli all up in my shit
  i got broccilo in y shit bro
 me: hehe
  that was good
  now tell me what to do bro
  drunkas a donkey
 Tao: so what's up with salman rushdie bro
 me: hehe
  hoho
  haha
  onlyr esponse
  in my
  gaydar
 Tao: does he eat broccoli or what bro
1:33 AM me: i dont know who that shit is bro
 Tao: you like joy tsing liang bro
 me: naw bro
  tastes like shit bro
  i think
  drunk, you are tao lin, ectra speciaio opoitns
 Tao: iim eating a fuckin organic fig bar now bro
 me: onlty blogs i commented onwas you and z g, rbro
 Tao: what did you eat for the 'fast bro
 me: uh
 Tao: breakfast yo
 me: some banana strawberry saslad hit
  shit
 Tao: i cant use shorthand now bro
1:34 AM what the fuck bro
 me: aight thats cool bro
  i'm cool with longhand bro
 Tao: oh shit bro, banana yeah etc
  oh cool bro
 me: totally bro
  its all cool rbo
 Tao: so waht's up with broken social scene bro
 me: i m maing snises
  i d k
  bro
 Tao: they got like 3 good songs or what bro
  alright, what's up with deryck
 me: never listenend bro
 Tao: sum41 bro
 me: i dk bro
 Tao: deryck and avril bro
 me: still dk
 Tao: wtf do you listen to bro
 me: avril la v
  uh
  i dk
  bro
1:35 AM just ramndom shit people tell me to
  obedient as bitchatss
 Tao: so you listen to beastie boys bro
 me: for sure
  well
  one song
  like,
 Tao: oh shit bro
 me: fight for right party bro
 Tao: my shit's jacked up bro
 me: whatbro
  oh no bro
  what hpaenendded
 Tao: i boiled that broccoli for not too long bro
  i mean i cuda boiled it longer bro
  i'me ating hard as fuck broccoli bro
 me: yeah, is it hot
  bro
  hot hard brocc
1:36 AM Tao: it's cold as salman rushdie's career bro
  you foollow me bro
 me: oh snap nro
  totally
  bro
  i folllow
  like i drunk, mpter, fcker
 Tao: you got twitter bro
 me: i cant remember
  i think
  i dunrememebr my uisername
  you shoudl tell me what to do when i feel bored
  bro
 Tao: my organic fig smells fucken nasty
 me: you seem smart as leonodaro di caropi
1:37 AM dont eat that shitnro
 Tao: i told yu to fucken write more fucken stories for fucken muumuu house
 me: nasty shit, your intuition, is smart, as hshit bro
  too fuckin hard
 Tao: oh shit your check's in the mail (by the way, bro)
 me: sweet yo
 Tao: i mean it'll be in the mail soon
 me: i was gonn ask you bro
  then i gorget
  forget/
 Tao: yeah bro, it's cool bro
  sorry bro
 me: its coool rbo
  were friuedna
  cause i have sper skilz
  i feoret
  i forget
  why are we griends
 Tao: huh
1:38 AM me: i dee kay
  less drunk
  seekin validaitno bro
  keep talkin
 Tao: 'dee kay' that's fucken advanced for a drunk bro
  bro
 me: i kno
  im losin it
 Tao: what's yer IQ bro
 me: idk
 Tao: you rockin the 170's bro
 me: haa
  i dk
 Tao: don't tell me you rocken the 180's bor
 me: what you rockin'
 Tao: don't fucken tell me that shit bro
  i dont know bro, that's private bro
 me: tell me to drunk more vodka bro
  yeah yeah i respect htat bro
1:39 AM ahaha
  hehehe
 Tao: no bro, 'less that shit's made from broccoli or asparagus
 me: hoho
 Tao: you like asparagus bro
 me: asparags is good as hshti bro
  fuckin love that shit, rbo
  so fucin fgood
 Tao: you ever eat asparagus fried shrimpb ro
  you ever shit out an asparagus whole bro
 me: haha
  no
  hahash
  no
  hyou?
  ??
  ????
  !!!
 Tao: fuck yeah bro
 me: whoa shit!
  bro!
 Tao: that shit came out pristine bro
  you know that word bro
 me: hahaha
  pprisitne?
1:40 AM ficl uyo
 Tao: yeah bro
 me: ruck yeah
 Tao: cool bro, i knewy ou would bro
 me: ahahah
 Tao: fuck yeah
 me: tell me whats goingon
  please bro
  haha bro
 Tao: comment more bor
  bro
 me: should i drikn more vodka
 me: whereb r?
  kay
 Tao: comment there bro youll get mad hits
  you comment a drunk comment you'll get fucken mad hits bro
 me: really? sqweet bro
  i love hits man
 Tao: i got mad hits today bro
 me: wait tell me what sgoing on you seem lke you know
 Tao: that nymag shit bro
 me: really why?
  oh yeah
 Tao: i gots the mads hits
 me: wait is that shit out?
1:41 AM Tao: shits going down bro, shits go down when's the hits go up
  you got that bro
  SHITS GO DOWN; HITS GO UP
  chekc that semi-colion bro
  check out that usage bro
 me: totally not
  bro
  good hob bro
  you seem really fukcin smar tbro
 Tao: that's what i get paid for bro
 me: i wish you ould tell e
 Tao: i'll drop some similes on them asses
 me: what 9 hould od
1:42 AM oh fuck yeah
 Tao: tell me bro
  you're trying to say something bro
  just say it bro
  where are you bro
 me: i hear your voice
  here
 Tao: put down that fucken vodka bro
 me: here
1:43 AM Tao: and pick up that fucken stalk of broccoli
 me: yeah? yeah?
  your bassist in private?
  where is that voice
  vomming from
  i have no broccoi
 Tao: and raw ginger (if you have it, bro, if not that's cool)
 me: pripelets nad chords
 Tao: it's fucken tuesday bro
  you like obama bro
 me: fuck i doint know
  he prolly dont exist
1:44 AM FUCKING TUESDAY
  i am fat, tell me how to become sexualy attractice
  i HEAR YOUR VOICE
  i brb i got to get vodka
 Tao: never get the double filet-o-fish
  opt for single
  i got nothing else bro
1:45 AM me: back
  aight
  i keep that in mind
  vodka tastse liek SHIt
  your voice left
  i am only par tof the plan
  hipster runoff
 Tao: you eat arby's bro
 me: uh, one time llast summer i ate their ruely fries yp
  curl fries
  they was gppd
  you bro
 Tao: i fucken want a wok-ful of fries bro
1:46 AM me: yeah?yeah?
  we should be firends. shoudlwe be friends. should i runaway to new rok
  can i life in your apartment
 Tao: i heard the get up kids eat cheeseburgers with extra pickles yo
  oh shit bro i get two rooms in feb bro
 me: extra [ickles rh
  i sleep cohch
1:47 AM Tao: i dont know bro, yeah bor i mean bro
  a
 me: what
 Tao: i'm drunk bro
 me: am i still durnk? yeah
  really what you drnkbro
 Tao: we're fucken brkn bro
  i drank almost an entire kombucha im fuckIN DRUNK
 me: BROKEN? WHAT? DRUNK COUCH?
  chahhahaehe
  kombucha iant alhcocol
  im an alohcoahclic
  my siblings thinkgs i am cool
 Tao: it's .05% alcohol you fucking bro
 me: hehehehe
  hahahaha
1:48 AM oh man bro
 Tao: dont fuck with my i dont know
 me: you durenk as as fucking drunk homelessbro, bro
  its harder to see bro
 Tao: this hsits getting long bro
 me: serious bro, ican i come live in your house bro
 Tao: like salman rushdi'es career
 me: yeah yoy read to quit bro
  yeah i dont know who he is rbo
 Tao: yeah bro, you getting colleg ethough bro
 me: porlly, my pare ts want it bro
  i am obdeident
1:49 AM hard to see ro
 Tao: get that fucken degree, you dont want be digging broccoli out the gristede's trash bro
 me: hhehee
  ckohmbusha has alchohol breally
  what happpened to ellen kennedy
  she is the 'shit'
 Tao: she's cool bro
 me: i like here
 Tao: her shit's coming out bro
 me: 'e'e
 Tao: cool bro
 me: yeah for sure
  yeah
  yeah
 Tao: yeah recycled fucken paper bro believe that bro
 me: hard to understandor mw
  i dunno
 Tao: fucking al gore be shitting his suv
 me: yeah yeah
1:50 AM asshits bookcs
  algore dickeran
  or something
  i hope i'm not interi[tong
  i need to know what to do
  ` 50 am
 Tao: its cool bro
 me: coool bro
 Tao: you like eminem bro
 me: hhawhwta what
 Tao: you like brandon scott gorrell bro
 me: what what
  explain bro
  smart bro
 Tao: be part of the lit scene bro
 me: yo rsmart nro
  smart
1:51 AM bro
  how bro
  tell me how bro
  muumuu
  drunk bro
  fuckin drunk
  richard yates
  offline>
 Tao: salman rushdie doesn't get a fucken fatwa sitting on his ass in his sister's basement drinking vodka ass shit bro
1:52 AM me: haha
  what
  dehydtated
 Tao: my internet's fucking being a updike's career re nymag circa [his last book]
 me: fatwa was my friend from central highschool
  i dont get tit
  tell me what to do
  mabe
  obo, 8
  innobox, 7
1:53 AM Tao: bro
  you emailin g bro
 me: i reallyl llike brandon s gotrreel, smar, ass
  hu?what?
  tell mwe hwat to do, exlcalmationpont
 Tao: comment on that hipsterrunoff shit
 me: drunkest ever
  i dudi i didi
1:54 AM Tao: comment some more shit bro
  you ever shit your pants in a store bro
  i shit myself and flushed my american apparel underware down the nyu library's toilet
1:55 AM me: haha fo real bro?
  i went to americna appaerel but securty seemed toght
  seriusouly wha t shoud i dio
  i thinkhumans are happy in commiunity, working on thingstoketget.
  o am goingto runaway to our house in nw york, okay? os that okay?
1:56 AM bro.
 Tao: i hate humans bro
  yer cool bro
 me: what?
  wjat?
  yu hate us? hay? why iam i cool?bro?
  you qre funnny br
  telll me wyty
 Tao: no bro i fucked up
1:57 AM me: yeah? hoiw? whty?
 Tao: one seond bro
 me: kay
  kay
 Tao: i'm with humans bro
 me: kay
  w here
  how
  ik dmsmironff
  iam smirnoiff
  smironoff
  smirnofff
 Tao: im here bro
  im in my livin room bro
 me: i spelt it riht
  yeah is it good
  bro?
  wes bros.
1:58 AM bro
 Tao: im living it up in fuckin bush wick brooooooooo [all o's except first in high itched voice]
  we're bros
 me: yeah. i will go live in yo aparatement
  . okay bro?
 Tao: fucken brec
 me: huh
 Tao: beck bro
  bro my life sucks bro
  i turn aorund i see broccoli, i turn around again i see a stapler
1:59 AM me: but you rich
  z german
  v trott
  we like you
  what do you want?
  eh
  heheh
  hahah
  ego
 Tao: i'm rich but these jets aint fuckin affecting my happiness level you see bro
 me: jets
  huh
  im drunk
 Tao: i got five jet skis but they fucken make me depressed when i'm riding all five in rotation alone
 me: canilive in you apartement
  mm
  mmm.
  yeah bro
2:00 AM i aint ecpereiencesc. bu tiot ameks sense.
 Tao: you like lizards bro
 me: SO FUCIN DRUK
  ywa sure
 Tao: they're ool bor
 me: they seem good
 Tao: i dont know bro , they seem kinda shitty sometimes
  i gues they okay
 me: an ig o to ur aparemtne and hide from my parwnts
 Tao: dont wanna genrealizat you know
  i guess they ok
 me: so drunk
  eneralize/
  ????!!!!!
  dehyrdrate
 Tao: concrete reality bro
2:01 AM me: most crunkEVER!
  YES
 Tao: concrete rezeality bro
 me: what about it
  tell me what
 Tao: ti's there bro
2:02 AM me: here? here? can i got o your apartement /. tell me wjat ot od
  do tell me whattodo
 Tao: bored of life bro
 me: yeah you izzz bro
 Tao: yah man bmove to nyc
 me: to your apratmenet bro
  16 rs old
 Tao: barnes and nobles here be fuckin wack as fuck
  it's cool bro
 me: hehehahaha
  can i please
  cna i lp[ease
 Tao: those salma rushdies be filling them fuckin shelves like asparagus fills my toilet
2:03 AM me: i cant conctrol myself
  i willm ove tyo yiour partment
  sex with msomeon
  someone
  you okay?
 Tao: i dont have sex yo
  i have fucken toasted whole wheat baguettes
 me: ikno,w i ko, i know, seems obvious
2:04 AM Tao: i boil a fucken broccoli with this shit over it
  (will take too many words to explain)
2:05 AM you comment on hipsterunoff bro, link that shit me bro
2:06 AM why you email me 'what' (subject: 'what') bro i'm on chat bro, you be switchin formats or osmethin bro
 me: tao ling?
  lin
 Tao: yah lin
 me: i have to pee
!
2:07 AM wil ou be here
 Tao: descendent of frank lin of the east chinghua province in upper northeast mogonalia yo
 me: willl you be here in 3 min
  ewLLY
  COOL
 Tao: 95% chance o that bro
 me: ka y
  beirghiback
2:09 AM i would love to live i nyi
  nyc
 Tao: im with humans bro
 me: yeah? wh ois they bro
2:10 AM wh ois
  who is
 Tao: jeffrey and sarah bro
 me: i dynno hte m
  they cool
 Tao: hits arent rising bro
  oh shit i mean sales arent' rising bro
  hits are rising
  scratch that
 me: why no
 Tao: sales arent rising
 me: kzy
  kay
  wh no
2:11 AM m i smart
 Tao: yea
  yeah bro
 me: ahhahhhahhahahahhaaah
  DR YNK
  DRUML DUML REMML DRUNK L
  IO WI L GO LIE WITH YOU
  SMO DRUNK
 Tao: i'm broing it up with some bros
2:12 AM on gchat
  fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk bro
  kmy fucken blog posts aint consistent anymore bro
  shit be inconsisten
2:13 AM i'm going to do somet shit in the ktiche bro
  keep it real, keep those dialogue tags neutral bro

 



<

9.30.08 GMAIL CHAT
TAO LIN & ZACHARY GERMAN


4:47 PM me: my leg and hip pain intensified today, i feel crippled by hip pain instead of loneliness now, i'm seeing a doctor
 Zachary: thats funny
  a lot of buttons on m ky my keyboard dont work
4:48 PM like delete
 me: i want to be crippled by loneliness not hip pain
4:49 PM Zachary: thats funny
  i dont know
4:50 PM you hvave a thing
  like a war or cancer
  its different
  i donno
  ou know you will feel better or something
  dont you walike that
 me: i feel uncertain about the future of my hip, some part of me believes it will never get better
4:51 PM st vincent's hospital's website is 'fucking shitty'
4:52 PM Zachary: st vinecnent

5 minutes
4:57 PM me: i now know how people with amputated limbs or chronic pain from cancer feel like, i can write a chronic pain from war injuries post iraqi war novel now

5 minutes
5:02 PM Zachary: do you anticipate your book doing well because fo bulevima ebeing a social issue
5:03 PM me: yes, i think
  i mean
  no
  i don't know
 Zachary: i feel like it will
 me: god
  good
 Zachary: people will think it has social merit
  your book
 me: oh, good
 Zachary: like go ask allice
 me: what happens in it
  what is the social thing
 Zachary: its about drugs
5:04 PM me: i feel my book is really ultimately life affirming
  because the characters are trying to be good
  distinguishing it from other things that involve bulimia or something
 Zachary: i didnt mean ti wasnt that
5:05 PM me: i was just saying other stuff
 Zachary: i just meant for people that usually wouldnt like literary fiction for th reasons you or i would might like it for its social thing or something
 me: yes, i agree
 Zachary: fuck my keyboard
 me: i just thought 'it also has war in it' which isn't true
  i thought it had some war, like vietnam
 Zachary: i just chortled
5:06 PM i ogot second life yesterday i dont nknwo how to use it
  do you have second life
 me: it would be really funny if you wrote a vietnam war novel
  no
  does it have graphics
 Zachary: yeah
  it looks like 2asfadsgsg 5 o r 8 years ago
 me: it sounds shitty, like i dont want to look at it
 Zachary: you get to make the girls take their clothes off
  and fly
  thats all i do
5:07 PM me: i heard you have to buy a penis
 Zachary: oh,
  i dont know

8 minutes
5:15 PM me: i think i'm going to get nyu alumni gym membership and swim regularly in tight swimming short things like the american apparel underwear

11 minutes
5:26 PM Zachary: good
  i want to swim



<

10.18.06 GMAIL CHAT
P.H. MADORE & TAO LIN


3:12 PM Madore: Give me your address in PA or let's meet up at some point or something
 me: no, i dont meet people
 Madore: You met fucking Carol Novack
 me: by accident at a reading


<

10.03.08 GMAIL CHAT
JAMIE STERNS & TAO LIN


11:58 PM Jamie: hi
11:59 PM me: hi
  am i invisible right now?
  on gchat
 Jamie: um no
  you are not
  i meant to say hi to someone else
 me: oh i thought it said i was
 Jamie: sorry
  but
  hi
  i guess
12:00 AM me: oh ok
  hi
 Jamie: ok
 me: i meant to be on invisible, i am going on invisible
  'good night'


<

8.12.07 GMAIL CHAT
NOAH CICERO & BRANDON SCOTT GORRELL


8:10 AM Noah: you are there
  or you not there
  no one is there
  silence
  crickets
 me: mm
 Noah: a rattle snake scurries across the carpet
 me: brandon is here
 Noah: you read that book i posted
 me: oh
  yes
  its good
 Noah: is it okay
8:11 AM me: i read an excerpt to my friend aloud
  i tried to emulate your voice
  he laughed alot
  we could barely get through it
 Noah: no one will publish it because there is no sex and does not list music bands
 me: not because of the voice emulaton
  because of the content
  hm
  write a section on sex
  that would be good
 Noah: they say, "give me sex and music band names"
8:12 AM me: write a section on sex
 Noah: noah cicero eats donkey shit and jerks off on his mother's face
 me: just
  insert sex scenes
 Noah: sex pistols romones
  you spent time with tao lin
  how was thati
  i have spent time with tao lin
8:13 AM me: it was comforting
 Noah: yes good word
  he doesn't talk much
 me: how did you like spending time with him
  no he doesnt
 Noah: it was nice
  he doesn't talk much
 me: i was a little scared
  but i understood
 Noah: he told me my feet smelled and i will never get laid because my feet smell
  and then he sprayed perfume onm y feet
 me: he told me
8:14 AM i had nice shoes
  we watched a movie
  on my couch
 Noah: like the whore in the bible
 me: mary
 Noah: no
 me: mary magdeline
8:15 AM Noah: when jesus goes to see the sanhedren, a random whore comes in and washes jesus' feet with perfume
 me: that was mary
  and then she dries his feet with her hair
 Noah: who knows
 me: i think i remember
 Noah: yeah,, that is really dramatic
 me: i always thought
  that was strange
8:16 AM Noah: there is some really dramatic shit in the bible
  campy
 me: there are good battles
  there is one
  where someone, a guy, he has to hold up his arms
  and wherever his arms are pointing, the soldiers in that direction will start winning
8:17 AM but if he drops his arms or points them in another direction they will start losing
 Noah: i dont' recall that part
  old testament
 me: i dont know where it is
 Noah: ?
 me: maybe its there
  i just remember being taught things
 Noah: are you jewish
  i'm not jewish
 me: i am nothing
8:18 AM but, my parents made me go to church as catholic
  when i was young
  it was stupid, they
  they didnt even believe in it
  but they made me go for some reason
 Noah: you live in seasttle
  correct
 me: yes
 Noah: have you been to eugene oregon
 me: no
 Noah: i've been there like four times
  i like it there
8:19 AM me: should i go there
 Noah: have you fucked any of the suicide girls
  i don't know
 me: mm
 Noah: seatttle might be nice
 me: i kissed one i think
 Noah: that is awesome
 me: it was before suicide girls got big
  so
  its not as cool now
 Noah: no itis cool
 me: seattle is ok
  i dont know
8:20 AM taos post about me gave me like 5000% increase in hits
 Noah: he gets 800 hits a day
  he is like blog god
 me: i know
8:21 AM that is crazy
  insane
 Noah: do you have stat coutner
 me: yeah
  i am looking
  i get like
  20
  a day
  on average
 Noah: i get like 200 to 300
 me: i saw yours
  tao showed me when he was here
8:22 AM Noah: i'm not blogging until soft skull tellls me if i am goiing to be famous or nott
 me: who
  who is that
 Noah: soft skull
  that indie press
 me: where did you get the diet pill speed
  where did bernice get it
 Noah: mega t
  from bernice
 me: i cant fined it
  i went to like
  3 stores
 Noah: rite aide
 me: rite aid.
  ok
 Noah: you like diet pills
 me: i will go tehere
8:23 AM i dont know
  i am bored
  filling a void
 Noah: do you work or go to college
  what do you do
 me: i need to finish my novel
 Noah: to fill the days
  you are writing a novel
 me: i go to work writing bullshit things
 Noah: what is it about
  what is your job
 me: writer
  the novel excerpt
  its on my blog
  tao
  tao made a post
  look at his blog to see more
8:24 AM my job is to write things like
 Noah: okay
  i have two days off
 me: "discover the feeling"
  thats good
 Noah: i work today
  then two days
  i work to make the money
  to get the lap dances
  to get the boners
8:25 AM me: i dont know
  what about
  that you cant fuck them
  i got mad
  about a lap dance
 Noah: no that is good
 me: i dont like them for that reason
 Noah: fucking people can get complicated
  they are in your house
  and saying stupid shit
 me: ha
 Noah: you don't want to hear
8:26 AM me: forget the other things
 Noah: and you are like, "fuck, this bitch won't shut up." or they are fucking you and they start talking about when their uncle fucked them
 me: you have a boner
 Noah: and a lot of people want to ahve an emotional investment
 me: you can not act on that boner
 Noah: not right now
  the boner will go away
 me: but
  it was there
  for a reason
 Noah: go home masturbate to inernet porn, it is a lot safer
 me: to have sex
 Noah: internet porn cannot get pregnant
 me: the boner doesnt think that
8:27 AM i dont know
  lap dances only make me frustrated
  i only had like
  2
 Noah: i've had many
  they get better as time goes by
8:28 AM you realize you are getting older and it is safer to pay for love than actually to deal with it for free
  i'm weird though, and i gotta go,
  it was nice talking to you
  thank you for reading my book
 me: have a good day at work
  yes
  yore welom

11 minutes
8:40 AM Noah: i read the excerot
  excerpt
  i like it
  do you read kathy acjer
  acker
8:41 AM me: mm
  no
  what did she write
  thank you
  for the compliment
 Noah: black tarnatula
  she is good
  she is dead now
 me: i havent heard of it
  shes dead
  i will get it
  i will steal it
8:42 AM Noah: yeah
  i'm goiing to read your blog more
 me: ok


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