one of my favorite sounds is small creatures coughing
cited @kokotweets twitter statistics during a drunken argument about animal intelligence
experienced low levels of anxiety upon misreading 'handled with pride since 1981' as 'handled white pride since 1981'
imagined starting an organization called 'obese mothers against [something]'
The front wheel of an airport cop's segway just grazed the back of my boot
mold seems like something that should be 'packed' with protein
high-functioning autistic hippopotamus
keep getting text messages about 'loose' mountain lions roaming my college campus
imagined the priest from 'the exorcist' yelling 'the power of meth compels you'
using the 'artist statement' as a platform to whine about 'our generation'
the vessel i use to transport calculus notes is a folded/duct taped piece of cardboard that has 'METH PARTY' written on the front in sharpie
people in ancient egypt reacting to hippos
woke up naked thinking 'mexican xanax bar'
heard someone outside door repeat "bring the nutritional yeast" 4x in a relatively loud monotone
facebook status updates written in third person
imagined a video of a skeptical golden retriever saying 'i can't believe i ate the whole thing' played on a tv on loop
imagined gwyneth paltrow creating a 'gwynethpaltrowunedited' twitter account
imagined the winner of the 2012 nobel peace price being 'anyone that has ever engaged in a political argument on facebook'
one time a ~7 year old asked me 'what is the internet?' and i said 'the internet is all around you'
jay-z caressing the face of a cow
a performance piece in which i blindfold the audience and feed them spoonfuls of hummus while petting them under the chin
imagine a koala trying to tackle something
this whole time i thought 'the hunger games' was some anorexia thing
feel like there should be a form of capitalization that's 'beyond' capital letters
accidentally rolled my eyes after teacher said "I have a four month old baby" while maintaining eye contact with me
lil wayne song titled 'augmented reality and the cognitive paradigm'
imagine a beached whale crying but instead of tears it is glitter
think about the day you learned what bestiality means
in the 'quiet study' section of the library listening to a girl talk on the phone about how much she hates being at the library
there have been >10x situations where someone from school is talking to me about their blog and i have pretended to not know what tumblr is
feel like harvesting and eating eggs is something a john steinbeck character would do and then be shot for (via being deemed 'insane'/rabid)
feel afraid that i'll accidentally die and there will be some sort of miscommunication and these tweets will be read aloud at my funeral
having a seizure indoors seems weird and depressing but having a seizure outside seems cool and fun, i think
feel interested in volunteering to have my body thrown into a black hole by nasa
remembered being 12 years old and wondering if jesus ever had acne
at a party hiding in the laundry room to compose this tweet
in a bathroom stall at moma eating a vegan sausage
cords seem archaic
hiding in random bathroom rubbing moisturizer on my ankles
guy in front of me in lecture on speech perception is reading article on gawker titled 'cutting lines at disneyland'
head was obstructing title it's 'rich families cutting lines at Disneyland by hiring disabled guides' damn...