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< 1:04 AM me: tao lin, high blood alcohol content, possibility of obedience? i dunno
1:05 AM what should victoria trotdo. o may be inerupting. alcoholc
its fu to rollin a chair withewheels'
tao lin maybe busy
ryan gosling brother
drun,
k
1:06 AM 205 am
i mean105
you may be interupting
ellen kennedy
1:07 AM Tao: what's up bro
you drunk bro?
me: jamie german
noooooooo vodka
irish whiskey
Tao: how much did you drink bro
1:08 AM me: too much the most
thignsare confusing
Tao: you should make some drunk comments on people's blogs, bro, that'd be cool bro
me: rbooooobro
whose blogs
everyones
question mark
Tao: you can start with mine if you want
a veyr long drunk comment
1:09 AM me: my head feels spinnninh
Tao: where did you get drunk at
1:10 AM me: in my sisters house, yo
her bizziasmenet.
with so many different alchohols
Tao: she cool with that bro?
me: for sure no, brizzizzo
Tao: or you do it secretly bro
me: secrets are my frizzend
Tao: what's the deal bro
oh cool bro
me: haha
Tao: that's cool bro
me: amused bro
yes
yes
yes
yes
no in contro'
not
control
bro
1:11 AM Tao: just keep chillin bro
me: chinese
CHINK
hhahaha
hehe
hoho
porn
its hard
Tao: yeh bro
no bro
me: hehe'
1:12 AM give me commands, please, bro
Tao: comment sum blogs yo
me: so drunk
Tao: bro, you aint listenin me bro
me: yes ytes i is
Tao: comment sum fucken blogs bro
me: listeni
hehe
tao says
i hope i'm not interupgingsa.
har
dd
kenbaumeanns?
i circle my hadns tolseee
1:13 AM whose blog!1
more durnk,now
full blader
1:14 AM hehehahha
ao is typing!
social inhibitionsare gone from alcholho
Tao: that's funny bro i just read yer comment bro
me: haha, nice bro
sweet
hey tao, tell me what you thinkrbo
no pants, bro
like my dream
Tao: yeah bro cool
1:15 AM hey bro
what's p with yer brother bro
is he in half nelson or what
me: hehehe
Tao: is he ryan gosling or what bro
me: hahahaha
i am laughing, hahahaha
yean mantotally
i agREEE bro
bro is funnym it makes me haha
Tao: what did you eat for dinner bro
me: ummmmmm
fajitas! bro
Tao: shrimp fried rice again bro, you gotta lay off that shit bro
me: yeah totally
fucking dead shriping
shripnp
1:16 AM boshruip
Tao: lay off that fucken shit bro
me: correct manipuklatiioinof a drunk barakc pbama, rbo
manipu;lation
Tao: dont eat anymore fucken shrimp fried rice bro
me: why lay off it do you think
hehe
haha
Tao: or i'm deleting yer shit off muumuu house
me: oh oh
nono
career!!
Tao: i'm goingt o buy kombucha, keep it real bro
me: all day
ffull bladder
oh no
toa is offline
i dont know what ot do
so drunk
what hsoud
i do
1:17 AM ohno
nohno
ocollapaes
r7ah nna
you said
omment iw il dtty
1:22 AM Tao: im back bro
1:23 AM me: oh thank you
Tao: you still drunk bro
me: i was writina ameial
about aloneness
Tao: you alright bro
me: i guess
oonfused
Tao: you seem less drunk bro
me: you alright
really? how
better typing
Tao: yo're not making typos bro
i think you're not drunk bro
me: shold i drink ore vodko.
not drunk
its still hard to type
more vodka wuestion
question
amrk
mark
1:24 AM Tao: i don't know bro, you got broccoli bro
me: nah bro
garpes
grapes
stay ere okay, i have to pee, okay, sta here
Tao: don't eat grapes, you be mixin food groups if you do that bro
me: heheheheehehe
Tao: alright bro
me: funny brp
okay
b e right barkc bro
no toilet parper bro
1:25 AM !
hahhh
qhr HAOUS I shoudl i do
throw pee paper towerls int he trash
?
where did you go or for homuahcba
Tao: paper towels flush bro
me: shoud i drunk more vodka
they do?
o dithpgi ji thought they clog
Tao: yeah bro
me: okay
beright back
more voda?
ka
Tao: no bro, you gota rip it up irst
me: ohoh
oh oh
1:26 AM vodka
?
bro
Tao: use yer brain bro
you gotta pour vodka on the paper towel first bro to loosen up them fibres bro
me: i nat
really!
oh ewally!
Tao: that's the british spellin bro
me: qht ia
qha tia
what is
Tao: rub your ass with vodka i mean
sorry bro
me: hehee
hahah
hohoh
huhuh
Tao: rub your ass not pour it on the towel
me: with vodka?
what bro
1:27 AM confusing broi
muuuuumuuuuuu
hahahahaahaha bro
flush paper towels rbo?
are uyou sober frbo?
Tao: aunt to my nephew, pour that shit on the paper towel bro
me: hahaaha
are you tao lin bro?
Tao: i'm fucken sober bro
i'm drinkin fucken kombucha
i'm sober 'as fuck' bro
me: you seem super bro ish
Tao: no bro, what the fuck you talkin about bro
me: farts smell like fucjk
ing
fcking
bro
1:28 AM hahaa
bro
hehee
pee
wait i dont remember what to do
Tao: i gotta go eat some brococli bro
me: no toilet paper, wait
what shoud ido
Tao: have a good night bro, don't clog that shit,
me: h no
oh no
too drunk'
ohno
broccoli bro
oh no
vodka/? sober bro
1:29 AM i found tissues
1:30 AM al better
Tao: im back bro
me: who are you even, who ven are you
what
you keep leaving
1:31 AM false hope
for poor me
less drunk , perchanve
Tao: i'm ficlom tao lin bro
joy williams bro
me: FICLOM\
Tao: lorrie moore ya'll
me: joy wiliamsi sia bit of a bitch
i read that shit
Tao: so yer parents live in a mansion bro, what's up bro
me: ahahahahhaah
you cause laughter fucking bro
Tao: you rockin that fucken blender bro
i mean
me: what
who
sober?
you drunk>
too?
Tao: that shit bro
1:32 AM the q
i do'nt kno w bro
i'm fucken wasted on kombucha
me: hard to concentrate
hehe
haha
hoho
say some stuff
Tao: broccoli all up in my shit
i got broccilo in y shit bro
me: hehe
that was good
now tell me what to do bro
drunkas a donkey
Tao: so what's up with salman rushdie bro
me: hehe
hoho
haha
onlyr esponse
in my
gaydar
Tao: does he eat broccoli or what bro
1:33 AM me: i dont know who that shit is bro
Tao: you like joy tsing liang bro
me: naw bro
tastes like shit bro
i think
drunk, you are tao lin, ectra speciaio opoitns
Tao: iim eating a fuckin organic fig bar now bro
me: onlty blogs i commented onwas you and z g, rbro
Tao: what did you eat for the 'fast bro
me: uh
Tao: breakfast yo
me: some banana strawberry saslad hit
shit
Tao: i cant use shorthand now bro
1:34 AM what the fuck bro
me: aight thats cool bro
i'm cool with longhand bro
Tao: oh shit bro, banana yeah etc
oh cool bro
me: totally bro
its all cool rbo
Tao: so waht's up with broken social scene bro
me: i m maing snises
i d k
bro
Tao: they got like 3 good songs or what bro
alright, what's up with deryck
me: never listenend bro
Tao: sum41 bro
me: i dk bro
Tao: deryck and avril bro
me: still dk
Tao: wtf do you listen to bro
me: avril la v
uh
i dk
bro
1:35 AM just ramndom shit people tell me to
obedient as bitchatss
Tao: so you listen to beastie boys bro
me: for sure
well
one song
like,
Tao: oh shit bro
me: fight for right party bro
Tao: my shit's jacked up bro
me: whatbro
oh no bro
what hpaenendded
Tao: i boiled that broccoli for not too long bro
i mean i cuda boiled it longer bro
i'me ating hard as fuck broccoli bro
me: yeah, is it hot
bro
hot hard brocc
1:36 AM Tao: it's cold as salman rushdie's career bro
you foollow me bro
me: oh snap nro
totally
bro
i folllow
like i drunk, mpter, fcker
Tao: you got twitter bro
me: i cant remember
i think
i dunrememebr my uisername
you shoudl tell me what to do when i feel bored
bro
Tao: my organic fig smells fucken nasty
me: you seem smart as leonodaro di caropi
1:37 AM dont eat that shitnro
Tao: i told yu to fucken write more fucken stories for fucken muumuu house
me: nasty shit, your intuition, is smart, as hshit bro
too fuckin hard
Tao: oh shit your check's in the mail (by the way, bro)
me: sweet yo
Tao: i mean it'll be in the mail soon
me: i was gonn ask you bro
then i gorget
forget/
Tao: yeah bro, it's cool bro
sorry bro
me: its coool rbo
were friuedna
cause i have sper skilz
i feoret
i forget
why are we griends
Tao: huh
1:38 AM me: i dee kay
less drunk
seekin validaitno bro
keep talkin
Tao: 'dee kay' that's fucken advanced for a drunk bro
bro
me: i kno
im losin it
Tao: what's yer IQ bro
me: idk
Tao: you rockin the 170's bro
me: haa
i dk
Tao: don't tell me you rocken the 180's bor
me: what you rockin'
Tao: don't fucken tell me that shit bro
i dont know bro, that's private bro
me: tell me to drunk more vodka bro
yeah yeah i respect htat bro
1:39 AM ahaha
hehehe
Tao: no bro, 'less that shit's made from broccoli or asparagus
me: hoho
Tao: you like asparagus bro
me: asparags is good as hshti bro
fuckin love that shit, rbo
so fucin fgood
Tao: you ever eat asparagus fried shrimpb ro
you ever shit out an asparagus whole bro
me: haha
no
hahash
no
hyou?
??
????
!!!
Tao: fuck yeah bro
me: whoa shit!
bro!
Tao: that shit came out pristine bro
you know that word bro
me: hahaha
pprisitne?
1:40 AM ficl uyo
Tao: yeah bro
me: ruck yeah
Tao: cool bro, i knewy ou would bro
me: ahahah
Tao: fuck yeah
me: tell me whats goingon
please bro
haha bro
Tao: comment more bor
bro
me: should i drikn more vodka
Tao: hipsterrunoff.com
me: whereb r?
kay
Tao: comment there bro youll get mad hits
you comment a drunk comment you'll get fucken mad hits bro
me: really? sqweet bro
i love hits man
Tao: i got mad hits today bro
me: wait tell me what sgoing on you seem lke you know
Tao: that nymag shit bro
me: really why?
oh yeah
Tao: i gots the mads hits
me: wait is that shit out?
1:41 AM Tao: shits going down bro, shits go down when's the hits go up
you got that bro
SHITS GO DOWN; HITS GO UP
chekc that semi-colion bro
check out that usage bro
me: totally not
bro
good hob bro
you seem really fukcin smar tbro
Tao: that's what i get paid for bro
me: i wish you ould tell e
Tao: i'll drop some similes on them asses
me: what 9 hould od
1:42 AM oh fuck yeah
Tao: tell me bro
you're trying to say something bro
just say it bro
where are you bro
me: i hear your voice
here
Tao: put down that fucken vodka bro
me: here
1:43 AM Tao: and pick up that fucken stalk of broccoli
me: yeah? yeah?
your bassist in private?
where is that voice
vomming from
i have no broccoi
Tao: and raw ginger (if you have it, bro, if not that's cool)
me: pripelets nad chords
Tao: it's fucken tuesday bro
you like obama bro
me: fuck i doint know
he prolly dont exist
1:44 AM FUCKING TUESDAY
i am fat, tell me how to become sexualy attractice
i HEAR YOUR VOICE
i brb i got to get vodka
Tao: never get the double filet-o-fish
opt for single
i got nothing else bro
1:45 AM me: back
aight
i keep that in mind
vodka tastse liek SHIt
your voice left
i am only par tof the plan
hipster runoff
Tao: you eat arby's bro
me: uh, one time llast summer i ate their ruely fries yp
curl fries
they was gppd
you bro
Tao: i fucken want a wok-ful of fries bro
1:46 AM me: yeah?yeah?
we should be firends. shoudlwe be friends. should i runaway to new rok
can i life in your apartment
Tao: i heard the get up kids eat cheeseburgers with extra pickles yo
oh shit bro i get two rooms in feb bro
me: extra [ickles rh
i sleep cohch
1:47 AM Tao: i dont know bro, yeah bor i mean bro
a
me: what
Tao: i'm drunk bro
me: am i still durnk? yeah
really what you drnkbro
Tao: we're fucken brkn bro
i drank almost an entire kombucha im fuckIN DRUNK
me: BROKEN? WHAT? DRUNK COUCH?
chahhahaehe
kombucha iant alhcocol
im an alohcoahclic
my siblings thinkgs i am cool
Tao: it's .05% alcohol you fucking bro
me: hehehehe
hahahaha
1:48 AM oh man bro
Tao: dont fuck with my i dont know
me: you durenk as as fucking drunk homelessbro, bro
its harder to see bro
Tao: this hsits getting long bro
me: serious bro, ican i come live in your house bro
Tao: like salman rushdi'es career
me: yeah yoy read to quit bro
yeah i dont know who he is rbo
Tao: yeah bro, you getting colleg ethough bro
me: porlly, my pare ts want it bro
i am obdeident
1:49 AM hard to see ro
Tao: get that fucken degree, you dont want be digging broccoli out the gristede's trash bro
me: hhehee
ckohmbusha has alchohol breally
what happpened to ellen kennedy
she is the 'shit'
Tao: she's cool bro
me: i like here
Tao: her shit's coming out bro
me: 'e'e
Tao: cool bro
me: yeah for sure
yeah
yeah
Tao: yeah recycled fucken paper bro believe that bro
me: hard to understandor mw
i dunno
Tao: fucking al gore be shitting his suv
me: yeah yeah
1:50 AM asshits bookcs
algore dickeran
or something
i hope i'm not interi[tong
i need to know what to do
` 50 am
Tao: its cool bro
me: coool bro
Tao: you like eminem bro
me: hhawhwta what
Tao: you like brandon scott gorrell bro
me: what what
explain bro
smart bro
Tao: be part of the lit scene bro
me: yo rsmart nro
smart
1:51 AM bro
how bro
tell me how bro
muumuu
drunk bro
fuckin drunk
richard yates
offline>
Tao: salman rushdie doesn't get a fucken fatwa sitting on his ass in his sister's basement drinking vodka ass shit bro
1:52 AM me: haha
what
dehydtated
Tao: my internet's fucking being a updike's career re nymag circa [his last book]
me: fatwa was my friend from central highschool
i dont get tit
tell me what to do
mabe
obo, 8
innobox, 7
1:53 AM Tao: bro
you emailin g bro
me: i reallyl llike brandon s gotrreel, smar, ass
hu?what?
tell mwe hwat to do, exlcalmationpont
Tao: comment on that hipsterrunoff shit
me: drunkest ever
i dudi i didi
1:54 AM Tao: comment some more shit bro
you ever shit your pants in a store bro
i shit myself and flushed my american apparel underware down the nyu library's toilet
1:55 AM me: haha fo real bro?
i went to americna appaerel but securty seemed toght
seriusouly wha t shoud i dio
i thinkhumans are happy in commiunity, working on thingstoketget.
o am goingto runaway to our house in nw york, okay? os that okay?
1:56 AM bro.
Tao: i hate humans bro
yer cool bro
me: what?
wjat?
yu hate us? hay? why iam i cool?bro?
you qre funnny br
telll me wyty
Tao: no bro i fucked up
1:57 AM me: yeah? hoiw? whty?
Tao: one seond bro
me: kay
kay
Tao: i'm with humans bro
me: kay
w here
how
ik dmsmironff
iam smirnoiff
smironoff
smirnofff
Tao: im here bro
im in my livin room bro
me: i spelt it riht
yeah is it good
bro?
wes bros.
1:58 AM bro
Tao: im living it up in fuckin bush wick brooooooooo [all o's except first in high itched voice]
we're bros
me: yeah. i will go live in yo aparatement
. okay bro?
Tao: fucken brec
me: huh
Tao: beck bro
bro my life sucks bro
i turn aorund i see broccoli, i turn around again i see a stapler
1:59 AM me: but you rich
z german
v trott
we like you
what do you want?
eh
heheh
hahah
ego
Tao: i'm rich but these jets aint fuckin affecting my happiness level you see bro
me: jets
huh
im drunk
Tao: i got five jet skis but they fucken make me depressed when i'm riding all five in rotation alone
me: canilive in you apartement
mm
mmm.
yeah bro
2:00 AM i aint ecpereiencesc. bu tiot ameks sense.
Tao: you like lizards bro
me: SO FUCIN DRUK
ywa sure
Tao: they're ool bor
me: they seem good
Tao: i dont know bro , they seem kinda shitty sometimes
i gues they okay
me: an ig o to ur aparemtne and hide from my parwnts
Tao: dont wanna genrealizat you know
i guess they ok
me: so drunk
eneralize/
????!!!!!
dehyrdrate
Tao: concrete reality bro
2:01 AM me: most crunkEVER!
YES
Tao: concrete rezeality bro
me: what about it
tell me what
Tao: ti's there bro
2:02 AM me: here? here? can i got o your apartement /. tell me wjat ot od
do tell me whattodo
Tao: bored of life bro
me: yeah you izzz bro
Tao: yah man bmove to nyc
me: to your apratmenet bro
16 rs old
Tao: barnes and nobles here be fuckin wack as fuck
it's cool bro
me: hehehahaha
can i please
cna i lp[ease
Tao: those salma rushdies be filling them fuckin shelves like asparagus fills my toilet
2:03 AM me: i cant conctrol myself
i willm ove tyo yiour partment
sex with msomeon
someone
you okay?
Tao: i dont have sex yo
i have fucken toasted whole wheat baguettes
me: ikno,w i ko, i know, seems obvious
2:04 AM Tao: i boil a fucken broccoli with this shit over it
(will take too many words to explain)
2:05 AM you comment on hipsterunoff bro, link that shit me bro
2:06 AM why you email me 'what' (subject: 'what') bro i'm on chat bro, you be switchin formats or osmethin bro
me: tao ling?
lin
Tao: yah lin
me: i have to pee
! 2:07 AM wil ou be here
Tao: descendent of frank lin of the east chinghua province in upper northeast mogonalia yo
me: willl you be here in 3 min
ewLLY
COOL
Tao: 95% chance o that bro
me: ka y
beirghiback
2:09 AM i would love to live i nyi
nyc
Tao: im with humans bro
me: yeah? wh ois they bro
2:10 AM wh ois
who is
Tao: jeffrey and sarah bro
me: i dynno hte m
they cool
Tao: hits arent rising bro
oh shit i mean sales arent' rising bro
hits are rising
scratch that
me: why no
Tao: sales arent rising
me: kzy
kay
wh no
2:11 AM m i smart
Tao: yea
yeah bro
me: ahhahhhahhahahahhaaah
DR YNK
DRUML DUML REMML DRUNK L
IO WI L GO LIE WITH YOU
SMO DRUNK
Tao: i'm broing it up with some bros
2:12 AM on gchat
fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk bro
kmy fucken blog posts aint consistent anymore bro
shit be inconsisten
2:13 AM i'm going to do somet shit in the ktiche bro
keep it real, keep those dialogue tags neutral bro
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