Mar 29
my life feels like an extremely scared man walking around on 15ft stilts who is unsure of how to get down without falling

Apr 15
japanese man with braces singing minnie ripperton's 'lovin you' in an empty karaoke bar

Apr 23
drew carey being shot out of a cannon and landing inside another cannon

May 9
there are thousands of mp3s of d'angelo's 'spanish joint' on computers on earth, also there are at least 1 million pigeons on earth

May 29
if only we could just......constantly blast sound waves of enigma's "return to innocence" at the planets in our solar system........

Sep 7
i want to participate in a shopping spree at a large supermarket and then just scream and aggressively ram my cart into things

Nov 17
in 2009 i stared out of a window while alone in my house and felt inexplicably afraid that someone was going to throw a baseball at the back of my head

Dec 9
thought 'i am among the asian paupers of minneapolis' while hunched over a pan with scrambled eggs and spinach in it

Dec 10
as iggy pop's 'real wild child (wild one)' played out of laptop speakers i imagined a bald man raising his eyebrows impossibly high, like to somewhere on his scalp

Dec 18
visualized a man with a ponytail screaming 'this is my life!' as a cool blast of air hit his face

Dec 25
thought about tweeting 'a small pug materialized somewhere in asia, sneezed, and then vanished' to distract myself from needing to pee

Jan 2
martin scorsese emerges from darkness, eats a snickers bar in one bite, throws the wrapper over his shoulder, recedes back into darkness

Jan 11
burped and then made an exaggerated burp-like sound as if to mock the previous burp

Feb 6
looked at movies available on 'comcast on demand' with my mouth open, eventually watched 'casino' and thought 'the horrific joe pesci' twice

Feb 23
thinking 'my life is a big pile' in the voice of an obese southern woman with a lot of food in her mouth

Mar 27
felt 'twinge of regret' after remembering doing masturbation motions with my hand to be funny inside an urban outfitters in 2007

Mar 29
considered telling someone that i said 'off to neva neva land' in a james hetfield voice before falling asleep every night for a year

Apr 9
wiped 'amy's enchilada' sauce off of my mouth using my hand instead of a napkin in a 'bukowski-esque act of sloppiness'

Apr 14
thought 'do sharks burp? how about lizards?' as i directed my line of vision away from the sun and toward a person's afro

Apr 19
seems beautiful to me that i have the ability to produce a vague mental image of what my dad would look like with 'jheri curls'

Apr 21
briefly considered 'man in his mid 30's touching a 'jar jar binks' figurine' to be the most depressing situation in the universe

May 4
thinking about a middle aged man (like william h. macy's age) with a lisp saying 'salamanders' to lessen feelings of boredom

May 18
wish i knew the series of cause and effect that resulted in me downloading a recording of the 'renowned sad-clown opera' 'pagliacci' at 1:07am on may 5th

Jun 21
i feel interested in seeing quentin tarantino slowly defy gravity and float into the atmosphere while wearing a doo-rag

Jun 22
'used up' 2-4 seconds of my life to think about the concept of a 'psycho clown'