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September 2010: I hosted a reading in Ann Arbor for Tao Lin, Mike Young and Rachel Glaser.
Zac Zellers photographed a reading flyer I'd hung, put it on Facebook and tagged Tao Lin. Under photo he wrote, "4 minutes? wtf?" Felt insecure and anxious about reading time.
Sent Zac Zellers friend request. Felt more insecure and anxious. Then felt stupid because Zac Zellers is, like, 19.
Forget if Zac Zellers accepted friend request right away or waited a long time. Feel like he waited a long time.
Recognized Zac Zellers at reading from his Facebook photos in the way you recognize a celebrity or someone you're stalking.
Thought Zac Zellers was gay due to his being small framed and "super into" Tao Lin.
Remember thinking Tao Lin and Mike Young were gay when I first met them also.
Still didn't understand hipster culture in the fall of 2010, I guess.
Went to bar after reading. Zac Zellers and friends sat at one end of table and Mike Young, Rachel Glaser and I sat at other. Was aware Tao mostly sat at Zac Zellers' end.
Remember Tao coming to sit at my end for a minute and it feeling like neither of us had anything to say to each other but like we both wanted to say something.
I think Tao said where is your daughter and I was surprised he knew I had a daughter and I said she's at home and then we didn't talk anymore after that.
After dinner Tao went with Zac Zellers and his friends to see the Joaquin Phoenix movie where he is trying to be a rapper.
Mike Young and I had seen the movie two nights before so we didn't go. Though also I'm pretty sure we weren't invited.
Felt disappointed Tao didn't want to come back to the house with me and Mike Young and Rachel Glaser. Thought Mike and Tao were good friends due to seeing photos of them hanging out together at some point online.
Thought online pictures had depicted them making smoothies in a New York City apartment with Blake and Kendra or something.
Remember thinking Tao was straight edge in 2008 because he was always writing about making smoothies and something about making smoothies seemed straight edge to me.
Started seeing Zac Zellers every time we went to movies after Tao reading weekend as he worked concessions and box office at both old movie theaters downtown.
Saw a lot of movies in 2010/2011 as daughter and friends weren't old enough to drive yet and I was either broken up or dating long distance and didn't have anything else to do most of the time.
Went to Grease sing-a-long downtown with daughter and friends. Wore fake leather pants and fake leather jacket. Zac Zellers' hair was greased back and he was wearing some sort of '50s style jacket. Felt embarrassing for all involved.
Was unsure whether Zac Zellers remembered me from Tao Lin reading. Thought about saying hi but didn't seem like he remembered.
Had same confused thought pattern every time we bought tickets or concessions from Zac Zellers after this.
Bought tickets or concessions from Zac Zellers approximately 10-20 times in year and a half.
Bought tickets from Zac Zellers for midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show. Was wearing short black pleather shorts and fishnets. Tried to say "hey" in way that implied former meeting. Pretty sure he could detect no difference.
Considered possibility that if he did remember me from Tao Lin reading, he probably thought I was an asshole for not saying hi in a manner that implied former meeting and incorporated his name.
Deactivated Facebook account. Wondered briefly if Zac Zellers thought I defriended him. Quickly returned to theory Zac Zellers had no clue who I was.
Saw Zac Zellers at J. Crew with his mom when I was shopping with my daughter at the mall. Pretended not to see him.
Daughter and I nicknamed Zac Zellers the "Where's Waldo of Ann Arbor" after J. Crew run in.
Sat three rows behind Zac Zellers and a girl at Ann Arbor Film Festival. Daughter, daughter's friend and I discussed possibility Zac Zellers was on a "date." Still felt unsure about Zac Zellers' sexuality.
Left "film festival" after watching The Discipline of the DE by Gus Van Sant. Think Zac Zellers and girl stayed for "whole thing."
Didn't see Zac Zellers at either downtown theater after that. Assumed he got another job or maybe went to college or something.
Ran into Zac Zellers in American Apparel. Think he was working or hanging out with friend who was working. Had mini panic attack as no one else was in store. Ran outside and waited for daughter on sidewalk. Apologized to daughter for being unable to shop in store in which Zac Zellers is working or hanging out.
Saw Zac Zellers working American Apparel booth at Ann Arbor Art Fair. Avoided corner of street American Apparel booth was on while walking around Art Fair.
Started noticing Zac Zellers on places I went on the Internet.
Saw comment Zac Zellers made on HTMLGIANT. "liked" it.
Got email from writer friend in June asking if I knew Marie Calloway was in Ann Arbor.
Googled "Marie Calloway" and "Ann Arbor." Google linked to Zac Zellers' Tumblr and Twitter, with mentions of Marie Calloway visiting him on both.
Mind felt "blown" that Zac Zellers knew Marie Calloway and at possibility that Zac Zellers and Marie Calloway had sex.
Still felt unsure about Zac Zellers' "sexuality" and about Marie Calloway being a "real person."
Started following Zac Zellers and Marie Calloway on Tumblr to try to "figure this shit out."
Got email from another writer friend asking if Zac Zellers was "sexually violent" person Marie Calloway mentions in some post on HTMLGIANT.
Tried to look up post friend was talking about but post had been deleted.
Mind felt "blown" that Zac Zellers could be violent, sexually or otherwise.
Still did not understand hipster culture in fall of 2012, I guess.
Friend requested Zac Zellers (and other people husband wouldn't normally "friend") through husband's Facebook when he left his computer open.
Haven't seen Zac Zellers in real life or on the Internet since.
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