daughter just meowed in her sleep
my back feels like it's growing another back
i've been saying 'yeah' at the wrong intervals in conversation & then getting in my head about it
Ate a cone from mcdonalds, wanted to punch the lady who gave it to me & also punch the cone
happy to be deep inside my house again
just sat at computer and actually rubbed hands together thinking 'let's get down to bizniss'
something just rusted in the shed of my heart
my lower back is growing another back
throw a piece of cheese at me or leave me alone
like a ninja i move when retrieving something from sleeping room
feels like there's a party in my head and i left early
feels like there's a surprise party in my head that i know about and am purposely avoiding
it surprised me somehow that when i googled 'iron beds' i got a lot of places that sell iron beds
i love the morning & i love the night. if sleep must happen, it should happen in the afternoon.
Said fuck it & got the giant cookie
inexplicably just thought, it's only 9:30 on the west coast, as though that means something, right now, for my life
2nd day in row of being too early to want giant cookie, but wanting giant cookie nonetheless
i think i laughed ruefully for the first time today
Just went to furniture store, everything looked like it belonged on the set of medieval gangbang porn
Just opened 3 Word docs, got overwhelmed, & came downstairs to eat a potato
i need to say again that someone found my blog by googling 'how to fuck a stuffed animal and make it feel good'
in a shocking turn of events, i can think of nothing that i want to eat right now
just turned garbage disposal on in dark by accident, scared the fuck out of myself, still scared
father and husband have been kneeling together in trash cabinet for forty-five minutes, 'fixing' something
feel like i'm entering my Dry Cereal period
WE WERE ALL CHILDREN ONCE
been having intense, undecipherable feelings all morning, feel they could be made into chemical compounds and used to flavor food
just dropped a gooey baked good on my phone, licked/gnawed to get it off #reallife #notafraidtocutabitch
just spent ~8 minutes thinking about the sentence 'am i my brother's brother'
tenderly reading my twitter feed
feels like one of my organs is saluting another and like 3 other organs are jealous
i just want someone to hold me and tell me that no one is going to be okay
often drinking water i imagine it's something else, like a face
feel i'll go on licking rampage soon
i wonder if the inventors of sports and novels ever moan to each other as their bodies rot 'it wasn't supposed to go this far'
image of cracking open egg to find long hair inside and at the follicle, a tiny yelling mouth with teeth
laid on back swooning up into leafdotted sky thinking 'nature, nature,' felt that nature was embarrassed for me
spent the last 3-4 minutes believing in myself, feel sore
like meat through a long glass straw, these are the days of our lives
Want to 'burst' into the smokers' lounge, breathe deeply, & ask everyone to friend me on facebook
if sandwiches were people i'd be a lot less lonely, but i guess i'd be a cannibal too
anyone want to go downtown with me, and by downtown i mean postal
i used to have memories but now there's just signs saying 'pardon our appearance' and 'cinnabon coming soon'
1. abandon 'novel' 2. spread peanut butter all over body 3. roll around in birdseed 4. hang from a branch
i seem to profusely compliment crazy women
trying to figure out how to get my mom on twitter without her knowing she's on twitter
i like the indisputable fact that if you combined every hug you ever got in your life and had it hug you, it would kill you
i like singing 'back that ass up' to my computer as i back its ass up
sometimes i just need to lay on the floor like an object that is usually not on the floor but falls there & gets forgotten about
REINVENTING MYSELF AS A SQUIR'RL W/ 3 GOALS IN MIND--> SCAMPER, SCAVENGE, HUMP--> WANT OTHER SQU'RLS TO BE ALL 'SQUUURRL'
a twitter ticker that scrolls every tweet from yr lifetime across yr headstone forever
in general want to see more body part words fused with fruit names, e.g. headaloupe, armgrape, spleengo, kneeple, bananeck
new food show called 'nut wars' where people stand one by one in front of a black curtain & make a case for the best kind of nut
only mail today was from little caesars for their 'hot-n-ready' large pizza, addressed to 'pizza lover'
every time i close my eyes i see a train made of chocolate cake plowing into my face at 100mph & my face withstanding it #superface
thanksgiving where there is only white rice & everyone is vaguely angry
until i get called 'the red lobster of the literary world' i will not stop trying, will not, chili's would be ok too
just can't figure out what's modifying what when i say 'buttery ass pancake'
when i talk about 'the canon' i'm referring to the foods available to me at every gas station
a forest where all the trees are wearing your clothes from high school
want to read a book where the central 'theme' is 'running around with a gun & shrieking'
probably you never want to come out of an internet trance wondering how many bananas you just ate
really wish that the last line of every novel were 'psych!'
daughter: 'are we chinese'
want a keyboard where DELETE is 7" across & right in the middle, and everything else is arranged around it
board game called 'gimme summa dat' where it's just u & whatever you're eating & yr friends & whatever they're eating, feistiest eater wins
mostly can't fathom being dead b/c what would happen to my email
gonna start calling poetry the po-po
the only childhood i want more than the one i had is the one i remember
daughter: 'don't look at anything but me'
an olfactory mirror would be the smell preceded by a sudden, previously disabled remembering
caught myself 'nodding in agreement' for the majority of a KFC commercial
feel like i'm about to eat 950 calories w/ profound calmness & self-love
those panicked seconds of hurriedly signing out of gchat
WHAT IF WE ARE BALLOONS THAT WERE LET GO OF BY SUBTERRANEAN BEINGS
vivid memory from 4th grade, asian boy saying to only other asian boy in class, 'my dick itches'
one of those old fashioned popcorn makers #atmyfuneral
had a dream i was in a 17-year old's opinion of a quentin tarantino movie
moved to get away from noisy girl & now i'm in the midst of 3 bros, one of whom is eating takeout from waffle house. i'm in a library.
while rubbing my face 'vigorously' i imagined my hands were erasers
daughter, drinking milk: 'i'm a old man that loves rockets'
is there a children's story abt a mother who serves her children only cake for every meal, seems exciting/scary
i wish a voiceover would come from inside the bathroom walls & narrate everything i do in the bathroom
part of who i am is someone who came home for many yrs to empty house & microwaved slice of american cheese on a plate & ate it w/ a spoon
drinking to 'see what happens next'
surprised by disappointment upon discovering scorpion in corner was actually elaborate coil of black string
i just want to read a sentence so good that i actually pass out
i think the reason so many ppl find jesus in jail is b/c he lives in jail--seems like a very jesus move, living in jail #thatssojesus
married mother of 2 seeks steed for galloping, fast & hard, away from reality, for 2-4 days, serious replies from owners of steeds ONLY
overheard someone say today 'all i can be is myself' & reflexively thought 'fuck your life'
thought 'from zero...to hero' re: putting salsa on my eggs
what if u went to a party, scooped the entirety of one salsa bowl onto one chip, & ate it, w/o spilling a drop
interested in reading books called 'living with my parents' written by every person in the world
just woke from sick-induced nap frantically trying to remember the 'other kind' of minestrone, realized i meant 'manhattan' clam chowder lol
baby keeps making a sound like she knows i'm hiding under the covers looking at twitter
honestly can't tell if i'm happy or miserable
overheard at gymnastics:
3yo: 'did i did good mama'
mama: 'yeah baby u did good'
3yo: 'but did i did chik-fil-a good'
always interested in the pain thresholds of those around me
wished for an 'empathy' setting on my car horn when old man w/ terrified eyes came careening toward me on a 1-way street
daughter1 asked me to put her blankie in the freezer 'for 50 minutes' b/c she 'likes him best when he's very cold'
ran out of house for choir saying 'i'm late' when really i want 10 mins to tweet in my parked car
because of google drive, i always think the movie 'drive' is called 'google drive'
what if every time u said 'myself' u said 'my precious self'
dreamed my cell phone bill was $962.38 from calling mcdonalds (?)
told daughter2 to put her baby doll to bed & she stuck her in the toy oven <3
'subconsciously' writing a novel while i 'consciously' shove cracker crumbs & salsa in my mouth
what if the 'beyond' in bed, bath & beyond means death
contemplating waking up husb to show him tweets on my smudged phone
daughter1 laughed for ~4 minutes upon learning there was a president named 'george bush'
really want to livetweet his holiness the dalai lama rn but can't understand what he's saying
'7 billion human beings...global warming...[strong wind in mic]'
dreamed of an egg where the white & yolk switched places
bed, bath & beyond (& pubes)
what if guns were shaped like phones & u had to dial the person's # in order to fire
just thought 'fuck y'all' re husb & daughters crowding my bed
i thought IRL stood for 'in real livejournal'
every single time i fold laundry i imagine setting it all on fire
i want to host a dinner party where i hand each guest a can of tuna & go to bed & film them w/ hidden cameras while they shittalk my party
short story abt a man who throws out a bed, bath & beyond gift card, thinking it was all used up, when it really has 3 million dollars left
i feel so misunderstood & i also don't understand myself at all
'if anyone needs me i'll be dead b/c i killed myself' & 'i love you' are probably the two things i said most in 2014
TED talk on why i'm always starving after 9pm
i want to be invited to a rooftop party so i can shriek the whole time
who do i sue if i have a big scratch on the side of my face from a granola bar b/c i was so hungry i missed my mouth
my goal is to stop hiding how creepy i actually am
every nite i been 'catching' my husb looking at dogs online
i recommend an almond followed closely by 3 raisins