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Sep 3
one of my favorite sounds is small creatures coughing
Sep 18
cited @kokotweets twitter statistics during a drunken argument about animal intelligence
Sep 22
experienced low levels of anxiety upon misreading 'handled with pride since 1981' as 'handled white pride since 1981'
Jan 4
imagined starting an organization called 'obese mothers against [something]'
Jan 5
The front wheel of an airport cop's segway just grazed the back of my boot
Jan 6
mold seems like something that should be 'packed' with protein
Jan 19
high-functioning autistic hippopotamus
Feb 16
keep getting text messages about 'loose' mountain lions roaming my college campus
Feb 19
imagined the priest from 'the exorcist' yelling 'the power of meth compels you'
Feb 21
using the 'artist statement' as a platform to whine about 'our generation'
Feb 21
the vessel i use to transport calculus notes is a folded/duct taped piece of cardboard that has 'METH PARTY' written on the front in sharpie
Feb 21
people in ancient egypt reacting to hippos
Feb 24
woke up naked thinking 'mexican xanax bar'
Feb 24
heard someone outside door repeat "bring the nutritional yeast" 4x in a relatively loud monotone
Feb 26
facebook status updates written in third person
Feb 27
imagined a video of a skeptical golden retriever saying 'i can't believe i ate the whole thing' played on a tv on loop
Feb 28
imagined gwyneth paltrow creating a 'gwynethpaltrowunedited' twitter account
Mar 2
imagined the winner of the 2012 nobel peace price being 'anyone that has ever engaged in a political argument on facebook'
Mar 6
one time a ~7 year old asked me 'what is the internet?' and i said 'the internet is all around you'
Mar 8
jay-z caressing the face of a cow
Mar 13
a performance piece in which i blindfold the audience and feed them spoonfuls of hummus while petting them under the chin
Mar 18
imagine a koala trying to tackle something
Mar 23
this whole time i thought 'the hunger games' was some anorexia thing
Mar 31
feel like there should be a form of capitalization that's 'beyond' capital letters
Apr 2
accidentally rolled my eyes after teacher said "I have a four month old baby" while maintaining eye contact with me
Apr 4
lil wayne song titled 'augmented reality and the cognitive paradigm'
Apr 10
imagine a beached whale crying but instead of tears it is glitter
Apr 16
think about the day you learned what bestiality means
Apr 18
in the 'quiet study' section of the library listening to a girl talk on the phone about how much she hates being at the library
May 21
there have been >10x situations where someone from school is talking to me about their blog and i have pretended to not know what tumblr is
Jun 4
feel like harvesting and eating eggs is something a john steinbeck character would do and then be shot for (via being deemed 'insane'/rabid)
Sep 6
feel afraid that i'll accidentally die and there will be some sort of miscommunication and these tweets will be read aloud at my funeral
Sep 8
having a seizure indoors seems weird and depressing but having a seizure outside seems cool and fun, i think
Sep 17
feel interested in volunteering to have my body thrown into a black hole by nasa
Oct 19
remembered being 12 years old and wondering if jesus ever had acne
Oct 26
at a party hiding in the laundry room to compose this tweet
Nov 19
in a bathroom stall at moma eating a vegan sausage
Feb 20
cords seem archaic
Mar 19
hiding in random bathroom rubbing moisturizer on my ankles
May 14
guy in front of me in lecture on speech perception is reading article on gawker titled 'cutting lines at disneyland'
May 14
head was obstructing title it's 'rich families cutting lines at Disneyland by hiring disabled guides' damn...
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