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sort of like the few minutes before falling asleep, but if i was fully conscious during those minutes
everything is neutral and on the same level
i don't feel nervous about anything
sort of like being in a bathtub, my brain gets put in a bathtub
everything seems equal, i don't know, i keep having that thought
when i try to think about things that have made me feel bad in the past i just think 'those things are okay now'
it feels sort of like being slowly fucked in oppressive heat
where the goal of sex is to distract each other with your genitals, not necessarily have orgasms
you just look at each other and forget what you're doing but you keep doing it
it feels like watching cooking shows all day on a saturday and having that be your entire life's purpose
sort of
there are better ways to describe it
i wouldn't want to attempt to read 'swann's way' while feeling like this
one time i went to whole foods and bought two different kinds of lettuce while on xanax
i bought something else too
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