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on the first day of school your class made up of freshmen will be silent
this will lead you to feel uncomfortable & scared at the thought of the rest of your career
in your panicked state standing in front of the class you will tell your students you're "a pretty easy going guy" & that they don't really need to respect you since you're just someone they see for an hour or so a day
your attention shifts to a bead of sweat going down your forehead
you start to lift up an arm to wipe the sweat only to discover your underarms are soaked
you clench your arms to your sides to prevent any of your students from noticing
you stare at them
"do you guys have any questions?"
a chubby adolescent in the middle of the room raises his hand
"how much do you weigh?"
your favorite classroom appliance is the overhead but when you turn the lights off to make the projection clear, students go to sleep
you leave the lights on
you leave the classroom unattended to get a light bulb for the projector because you think it's burnt out, but really a student unplugged it from the wall
when you return to the classroom your students are out of their seats talking loudly
you wonder if other teachers think you have control of your class
during the third week of school you hear a knock on your classroom door
when you open the door no one is there
this happens multiple times in the same class before you notice two girls, who you thought were quiet & reserved, had been knocking on their desks
your face turns red & you say "good one..." while trying to smile
you stare blankly at the floor before returning to your lesson
you decide one day to tell your class about how you proposed to your wife
they bring it up at extremely unrelated times & you begin to feel ashamed
you didn't think it was that funny that your wife threw up after you proposed to her at cedar point
she had just gotten off a roller coaster
you begin to resent your class & the resentment quickly turns into you hating your job
you sweat before class starts & once you start worrying about the sweating you sweat even more
the principal sits in on your lesson one day & you sweat so much it drips onto the overhead
when you try to wipe your face off you scratch it accidently & it bleeds a little but only a girl in the front row sees
they are loud, they are immature, they are out of control
one week your sister goes missing & you tell them you need them to cooperate but they don't
they are relentless
the class carries a d average
there is a quiet boy who maintains straight b's
his mom emails you 2-3 times per week with concerns about his academic performance
you call him out of class one day & tell him you need help
you ask him what you should do about the class
you manage to make him feel uncomfortable
he says he doesn't known
one day a boy who all the students refer to as "nardy" tries to help you gain control
nardy singles out the chubby adolescent who asked you how much you weigh on the first day of school
nardy tells him to be quiet when he talks during your lesson
the chubby adolescent calls him a fag
nardy stands up & starts yelling at the chubby adolescent
the chubby adolescent starts to leap at nardy
you hold out your arms & raise your voice, telling them to calm down
people are yelling "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"
you ask them to quiet down in a desperate tone of voice
a teacher you don't know looks through the window in your door
the girls who simulated the knocks at the door are coughing loudly when you are trying to teach the distributing property
one of them is leaning into the aisle coughing into her book bag
she starts saying "i don't feel so..." then you hear her vomit
you run over & the other girl makes noises like she is suppressing laughter
you hear someone say "he actually ran!" in an amazed tone of voice
you look & there is no vomit in the book bag
people are laughing
you tell the girls loudly that it wasn't a funny joke, that you thought it was an actual emergency
you start hearing fat jokes at an increasing frequency
you confiscate a rap written about you passing out in the teachers lounge after drinking 40s in a stained wife beater
there are pictures drawn of you with sweat marks under your arms & man boobs
you are silent as the kids walk into class one day
you tell them things need to change
you get really emotional & say "you guys think i don't hear the mean comments, but I do"
they are quieter for a week or so then things return to normal
your class takes their final exam on a wednesday morning
their scores are a mixture of d's f's & one b
you are asked by the principal to not return the next year
you don't tell the kids
on the last day of school while you pack up your inspirational quote posters, they take pictures of you with their digital cameras from unflattering angles & laugh
the pictures exist years later on facebook in an album somewhere that you never see
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