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Once upon a time, there were two fish swimming along, a boy fish and a girl fish, and they swam past a wise, older fish, who nodded to them and said, "Morning, fishes, how's the water?" and the boy fish rolled his eyes and said, "We already know. We already read that speech by David Foster Wallace and we know what this is. This is water, right? Am I right?" The wise, older fish nodded a little and the boy fish went on, "And next you're gonna tell me the grocery store is water? And my job is water? And the commute is water? And my credit score is water? And let me guess, my girlfriend is water too, huh?" and the wise, older fish just kept nodding and saying, "Shit, well, I suppose that's right. I suppose that's water too..." until the boy fish started taunting him a little, saying, "Well, you know what else is water? You know what else I think is fucking water?" and then he pulled a gun out of his pants and started waving it around, pointing it at fish's heads, that kind of thing, and his girlfriend, the girl fish, gasped and grabbed his arm and said, "Come on now, stop that," and she turned and pressed her lips together in a half-smile, half-frown at the wise, older fish and said, "Sorry, he's had a bit too much—" but the boy fish just kept going, raising his voice even louder and lifting the gun over his head, saying, "WELL IF EVERYTHING'S WATER... IF IF IF EVERYTHING'S... FUCKING... WATER..." He brought the gun down against his temple and the girl fish shrieked and lunged, and the boy fish shot, but there were no bullets. "FUCK!" He careened left to get a bullet loaded while the girl fish reached for the gun. She almost had it, then dropped it, and all three fish watched it float down real Jello-slow for a second, and then the boy fish and the girl fish raced to grab it, but the boy fish was faster. He swiped it off the seafloor and tried once more to get the thing pointed at his head, but it slipped in his fins as he pulled the trigger, and he shot off half his hairline and yelled, "AWHHH FUCK! GODDAMNIT. SHIT," and the girl fish screamed and said, "Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod!" and swam toward him, and he pushed her away with one fin while holding his bleeding scalp with the other, and the wise, older fish laughed and laughed and laughed.
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