<

"AGREE"
ZAC SMITH


from EVERYTHING IS TOTALLY FINE


So I'm trying to vote. Because it's an election. And there's these computer...things...for voting. I have to touch a screen and it does the vote stuff. So there's a screen with instructions. I read the instructions without really paying attention. Okay. Next page. More stuff. No voting yet. This sucks. I'm worried about how long this will take. I touch a button on the screen that says, "Agree." It's doing that little circle thing. Okay. I'm waiting for something. Okay. There's some stuff about voting. This seems good. I touch a button on the screen that says, "Agree." It's doing that little circle thing. Okay. There's a ballot measure. I touch the screen to see my options. There are more options than I thought there would be. I scroll down. I touch a button on the screen that says, "No." It's doing that little circle thing. The screen reloads. It's mostly the same but the buttons moved a little bit. And there's the president's face. Alright. It says he's running for congress. Shit. I look to see if anyone else is having problems. The people seem like they're doing okay. There's a sign taped on my voting machine that says, "No Talking." I look around some more. I think I need a poll worker or someone. But there's also a sign that says, "No Looking Around," too. Alright. The screen changes and now it says that the president is running for vice president. I want to look at my phone to check the time but that seems not allowed maybe. Someone by the door is talking quietly about pancakes. The screen has a timer on it. I vote third party so I can move on. I don't really care about the vice president. I'm not sure what the vice president does. It's back on the instructions screen. I touch a button on the screen that says, "Agree." It's doing that little circle thing. Maybe I can start over. Okay, no, there's a new screen, just a bunch of pictures of fat men. Wait. Okay, no. I touch a button that says, "Forward." It goes back to the instructions. The timer seems stuck. I really want to look around but I'm worried about the signs. I feel warm. I think I can smell pancakes. The screen is blank now. So I can see things reflected in it. And I see the president walk in. And I see people looking around and taking pictures. The screen turns back on. Shit, that's a lot of buttons. Oh no. I'm looking for the right button but I keep pushing the wrong one because the screen is kind of rotating. And it goes blank again. Goddammit. The president walks up behind me. I can see his reflection in the blank screen. This seems really bad. I start to turn around but he says, "No." He touches my shoulder. The screen turns back on and it lists some of my personal information and asks me to confirm. I close my eyes. I breathe. I can smell the president (we wear the same cologne) and I can hear him running his tongue across his front teeth maybe. I open my eyes. There's only one button on the screen and it says, "Helicopter." There's a little picture of a helicopter, too. It's cute. The president starts rubbing my back and I don't really feel like getting into the rest of what happens right now—it's a long story.