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SOMETHING WEIRD JUST HAPPENED AND I FELT REALLY SAD
i experienced a strange despair
after imagining my dad
alone
in bed
crying and touching his face
pulling at his nonexistent hair
repeatedly saying 'i just want to be a fun, creative uncle'
and 'why doesn't my family appreciate me'
i stood
staring blankly
for around 3 minutes
feeling this feeling take hold
sink into me like some
thing sinking in to me
COMMENTS, LIKES, AND REBLOGS
just uploaded music to bandcamp.com
then linked it on twitter, tumblr, blogger, and facebook
while listening to a song by defiance, ohio on repeat
in bed
alone
waiting for the comments, likes, and reblogs
to start rollin' in
to slowly alleviate my steadily declining self-esteem
self-confidence
self
a friend who moved to south korea messages me on gmail chat
i list the drugs i'm on
she tells me that she's worried
she tells me that i need to slow down sometimes
i thank her and apologize
i am plagued by the problems i've created for myself
worse every second i'm alive
always trying, rarely doing
waiting for the comments, likes, and reblogs
for anything, really
still waiting
POEM I WROTE WHILE POOPING AFTER
EATING AN ENTIRE BOX OF VEGAN
CHICKEN NUGGETS AT YOUR HOUSE
THEN EDITED A LITTLE LATER WHILE
LISTENING TO YOU AND ZIGGY PLAY
GUITAR
i feel like the back of my head is being stabbed repeatedly by little knives that were already inside
of my head before the stabbing
i feel like it'll last forever
i feel physical and mental weakness like i'd imagine a lizard to feel in the middle of january or july
i feel like a lizard...
i feel warmth in my face and it feels like a fever or something else shitty
a perverted uncle
an unwelcome acquaintance in a group of close friends
a close friend
i feel like my throat is a hamster cage at 'pet smart'
all hamster cages
all hamsters
all cages
and there exists only throat lozenges and drugs
to temporarily divert attention
i feel like adderall is the version of me that should be talking to other people and alcohol is the
version of me that should be killing other people or myself
i feel like that sentence doesn't mean anything but neither do i
and i feel like that's ok
in an effort to temporarily divert attention
i will write this poem and read it
with a facial expression
touch my moustache
move words around
edit it
i don't know
i feel like shit
i feel like my skull is a zoo and the animals are running rampant because the zookeeper of my
brain thought it would be a good idea to release them and i feel like it will realize too late that
a free animal is a dangerous animal
i feel like a more belligerent version of myself, typing similes to convey sentiments and starting
every sentence with 'i feel like'
i just thought of a novel called 'the hangover' in a manner like i could write a novel called 'the
hangover' then remembered the movie 'the hangover' and felt something like a puddle, i think
MELATONIN
while falling asleep
i feel a certain sense of 'giving up'
a certain sense of loss
something like investing money
'AMERICAN PSYCHO'
just imagined my head as christian bale's head in 'american psycho' boarding a plane, telling his
butler 'when I die, chop my penis off and send it to my biggest fan so they can suck it' then
imagined 'stewie' from 'family guy' sucking a floating penis
'SECOND MARRIAGE'
just imagined giving the same pair of shoes to my wife two years in a row as birthday presents
then her saying 'you can't remember anything from the past year?' and me not being able to
remember anything from the past year
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