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TODAY I DROVE TO A HOUSE AND TOOK CARE OF A BABY
I walked the baby to a park
she crawled and waddled around the grass
she picked some flowers and tried to put them in her mouth
she threw slices of bread at birds
I said 'try tearing it into smaller pieces'
she gestured for me to pick her up
while I held her, she put her hand on my right tit
I said 'I cant nurse you, I dont have any milk'
she looked confused then fell asleep immediately
she didn't wake up when I put her in the crib
I turned on the baby monitor and looked at my face
in a mirror I noticed something asymmetrical about my mouth
I wanted to cover my entire body with the world's heaviest blanket
TODAY MY ALARM WENT OFF AT 12:30PM
I stayed in bed for over an hour
looked at things on my phone
I felt slightly anxious about nothing particular
I walked downstairs and poured coffee into a jar
I asked a person on the internet if I should take drugs
I took drugs before the person had time to respond
I feel alienated by people who express concern about me without
defining their concern in terms of a specific solution or goal
I dont feel comforted by the idea of an afterlife
I dont want to continue experiencing things after I die
I want someone to pull my hair because I like the idea of someone
controlling my head without touching my head
what is the difference between being an independent person
and being a person who is accepting of loneliness
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