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So I'm trying to vote. Because it's an election. And
there's these computer...things...for voting. I have to
touch a screen and it does the vote stuff. So there's a
screen with instructions. I read the instructions
without really paying attention. Okay. Next page.
More stuff. No voting yet. This sucks. I'm worried
about how long this will take. I touch a button on the
screen that says, "Agree." It's doing that little circle
thing. Okay. I'm waiting for something. Okay. There's
some stuff about voting. This seems good. I touch a
button on the screen that says, "Agree." It's doing that
little circle thing. Okay. There's a ballot measure. I
touch the screen to see my options. There are more
options than I thought there would be. I scroll down. I
touch a button on the screen that says, "No." It's
doing that little circle thing. The screen reloads. It's
mostly the same but the buttons moved a little bit.
And there's the president's face. Alright. It says he's
running for congress. Shit. I look to see if anyone else
is having problems. The people seem like they're
doing okay. There's a sign taped on my voting
machine that says, "No Talking." I look around some
more. I think I need a poll worker or someone. But
there's also a sign that says, "No Looking Around,"
too. Alright. The screen changes and now it says that
the president is running for vice president. I want to
look at my phone to check the time but that seems
not allowed maybe. Someone by the door is talking
quietly about pancakes. The screen has a timer on it. I vote third party so I can move on. I don't really care
about the vice president. I'm not sure what the vice
president does. It's back on the instructions screen. I
touch a button on the screen that says, "Agree." It's
doing that little circle thing. Maybe I can start over.
Okay, no, there's a new screen, just a bunch of
pictures of fat men. Wait. Okay, no. I touch a button
that says, "Forward." It goes back to the instructions.
The timer seems stuck. I really want to look around
but I'm worried about the signs. I feel warm. I think I
can smell pancakes. The screen is blank now. So I
can see things reflected in it. And I see the president
walk in. And I see people looking around and taking
pictures. The screen turns back on. Shit, that's a lot of
buttons. Oh no. I'm looking for the right button but I
keep pushing the wrong one because the screen is
kind of rotating. And it goes blank again. Goddammit.
The president walks up behind me. I can see his
reflection in the blank screen. This seems really bad. I
start to turn around but he says, "No." He touches my
shoulder. The screen turns back on and it lists some
of my personal information and asks me to confirm. I
close my eyes. I breathe. I can smell the president
(we wear the same cologne) and I can hear him
running his tongue across his front teeth maybe. I
open my eyes. There's only one button on the screen
and it says, "Helicopter." There's a little picture of a
helicopter, too. It's cute. The president starts rubbing
my back and I don't really feel like getting into the rest
of what happens right now—it's a long story.
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